[Magdalen] Crucible

[Roger Stokes]

Jim,

Having been privileged to witness at first hand your gentle love for 
Marcy I am glad you have had this epiphany.  It is not easy to let go of 
the one you love, entrusting them to God's gentle arms, but this is 
something you know intellectually you need to do.  At the moment her 
needs must be the centre of your life and there has to have been a 
rebalancing of your relationship with her.  May you find in that loving 
care you offer Marcy, including in the intimate care she needs, that you 
are among the sheep to have ministered to Christ in his need.

You know intellectually, as you implied when we spoke face to face, that 
this is a phase that will pass.  I rejoice that you feel supported in 
this phase.  I pray that you will continue to be and feel supported in 
the future.

Roger

On 07/12/2014 20:09, James Handsfield wrote:
> I had a bit of an epiphany today at church.  I’ve been seeing Lindsay Buehler for spiritual direction - actually both Marcy and I have been seeing her, sometimes together.  During this time with Marcy’s illness, I’ve felt sometimes abandoned, sometimes reassured, but most of the time abandoned.  According to Lindsay, it’s not desolation, which I was afraid it was, but it’s finding I’m in a different room of God’s house, and I need to find God there, not where I used to find God.
>
> My epiphany this morning is that this room is a crucible, and I’m being refined.  Out of necessity caring for Marcy, I’m gradually being rid of a great deal of selfishness, and at the same time finding myself more and more open to the love of those around me, including at St. Bede’s, in my neighborhood, here in the pub, and many other places.  It’s not an easy process, and it often hurts - a lot - both in the pain of change, and perhaps even more seeing what I’d been holding on to and how it made me sometimes distant from those I love.
>
> I’m grateful that this is a safe place to share such things.
>
> -----------------
> Thinking one can behave their way into heaven is an insult to the very foundation of salvation.
>
> Jim Handsfield
> jhandsfield at att.net
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