[Magdalen] Crucible

[Ginga Wilder]

((((((Esther))))  Thank you for updating us on your health.  You are in my
prayers and now I know better how to pray.  Sending love from South
Carolina.

Ginga

On Mon, Dec 8, 2014 at 5:18 PM, Esther Williamson <momohl1 at cox.net> wrote:

> Thank you for this, Jim. I have been so appreciative of your openness
> about Marcy's illness and your care for her.
> Now Jon has let us in on his decision to go on Hospice. Of course you are
> all in my prayers and I have often told you so.
> However, your Epiphany, Jim, made me take a hard look at myself. I have
> always been a very private person and even when I had my heart attack and
> the mastectomy I asked not to be on the church prayer list. With 5
> children, a sister, assorted spouses and the next generation I have quite a
> support group which I felt was enough.
>
> I love this list and have met many of you in person. I feel I have not
> been fair to the group in not explaining why I have been quite quiet of
> late. Just before Thanksgiving I had a bone marrow biopsy because my red
> blood cells and platelets had been steadily decreasing for the last year.
> Of course Leukemia comes to mind right off the bat but my doctor has a
> whole list of possibilities. I can make no real plans or decisions until I
> get the results next week but I know that I will not do extreme measures.
> If it comes to that I am quite comfortable going on Hospice. My children,
> sister, and Priest are aware of my feelings and will support me. I ask to
> be added to your prayers and I promise to keep you updated as I have news.
>
> Esther
>
>
>
> On 12/7/2014 3:09 PM, James Handsfield wrote:
>
>> I had a bit of an epiphany today at church.  I’ve been seeing Lindsay
>> Buehler for spiritual direction - actually both Marcy and I have been
>> seeing her, sometimes together.  During this time with Marcy’s illness,
>> I’ve felt sometimes abandoned, sometimes reassured, but most of the time
>> abandoned.  According to Lindsay, it’s not desolation, which I was afraid
>> it was, but it’s finding I’m in a different room of God’s house, and I need
>> to find God there, not where I used to find God.
>>
>> My epiphany this morning is that this room is a crucible, and I’m being
>> refined.  Out of necessity caring for Marcy, I’m gradually being rid of a
>> great deal of selfishness, and at the same time finding myself more and
>> more open to the love of those around me, including at St. Bede’s, in my
>> neighborhood, here in the pub, and many other places.  It’s not an easy
>> process, and it often hurts - a lot - both in the pain of change, and
>> perhaps even more seeing what I’d been holding on to and how it made me
>> sometimes distant from those I love.
>>
>> I’m grateful that this is a safe place to share such things.
>>
>> -----------------
>> Thinking one can behave their way into heaven is an insult to the very
>> foundation of salvation.
>>
>> Jim Handsfield
>> jhandsfield at att.net
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
>
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