[Magdalen] Crucible

[Ann Markle]

This is so beautiful, Jim.  Thank you for sharing your heart.  I know the
black madonna is walking with you, too, during this sometimes very, very
dark time.  I hope you feel her compassion, as well as that of your
neighbors.

Ann

The Rev. Ann Markle
Buffalo, NY
ann.markle at aya.yale.edu
blog:  www.onewildandpreciouslife.typepad.com

On Sun, Dec 7, 2014 at 3:09 PM, James Handsfield <jhandsfield at icloud.com>
wrote:
>
> I had a bit of an epiphany today at church.  I’ve been seeing Lindsay
> Buehler for spiritual direction - actually both Marcy and I have been
> seeing her, sometimes together.  During this time with Marcy’s illness,
> I’ve felt sometimes abandoned, sometimes reassured, but most of the time
> abandoned.  According to Lindsay, it’s not desolation, which I was afraid
> it was, but it’s finding I’m in a different room of God’s house, and I need
> to find God there, not where I used to find God.
>
> My epiphany this morning is that this room is a crucible, and I’m being
> refined.  Out of necessity caring for Marcy, I’m gradually being rid of a
> great deal of selfishness, and at the same time finding myself more and
> more open to the love of those around me, including at St. Bede’s, in my
> neighborhood, here in the pub, and many other places.  It’s not an easy
> process, and it often hurts - a lot - both in the pain of change, and
> perhaps even more seeing what I’d been holding on to and how it made me
> sometimes distant from those I love.
>
> I’m grateful that this is a safe place to share such things.
>
> -----------------
> Thinking one can behave their way into heaven is an insult to the very
> foundation of salvation.
>
> Jim Handsfield
> jhandsfield at att.net
>
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