[Magdalen] Prayer request.

[M J [Mike] Logsdon]

Thanks to all for the prayers, thoughts, and encouragement.  As for hoping for something either in the reasonable future or late in life, sorry, I'll pass.  On the hope, that is.  If the Universe wants to give it to me, It can do whatever it pleases.  If all of life is pure Chance, hope is pointless from the get-go.

I really do feel pretty good, in spite.  I hadn't said anything this time last year (could easily have been a year to the day, goddamn it), but what I thought was the truly last hurrah (or Bronx cheer, as it were) that happened then left me feeling pretty good as well.  I was unbelievably, even happily, relieved I'd never hear from her again.  And I didn't, until October when the current fiasco, also unbelievably, began.  With last night's -- I can hardly call it anything other than a defining verbal and emotional altercation -- we experienced what hadn't happened any of the times before, as this time it was "live" via phone, and not purely via email.  She's better at ignoring fact in print than "in person", and being live, for some reason, meant I had a connected audience I'd never had before.  In spite of her ire, even she was loathe to end the call until, well, truth be told, I nailed her on something she finally couldn't weasel out of, and then, of course, she was ready to end it.  And so was I.  I remained in charge to the end, though, because unlike in the past when I was a willing participant in angry, bitter endings, this time I advocated, and won, a calm, if disastrously charged, hang-up.  I got up from the chair, walked into the kitchen, and said, albeit wiping away tears, "Well, that's it then."

As I said, thanks all.  The other good news out of this is that I think we can all be pretty certain my belief I'll never hear from her again, this time, will take.

And please pray for her.  She needs it more than me.  Her name is Becky.