[Magdalen] medical terminology

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

Some of these rely on that delightful false association which is all too
obvious to the reader, but to which the writer is (as they write) oblivious.

por ejemplo:

"For those of you who have children, and don't know it, we have a nursery
in the basement."  I just love it! I have to chortle every time I even
think of that one.

And, yes, I am still laughing about the Spanish release form mix-up
reported elsewhere...

James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“If you have a chance to accomplish something that will make things better
for people coming behind you, and you don’t do it, you're wasting your time
on this Earth.”  -- *Roberto Clemente

On Wed, Oct 29, 2014 at 11:43 PM, James Oppenheimer-Crawford <
oppenheimerjw at gmail.com> wrote:

> What happens when medical practitioners are allowed to make up their own
> descriptions? The following are actual unedited notes written by doctors on
> patients' medical charts:
>
> 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
> 2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
> disappeared completely.
> 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
> very hot in bed last night.
> 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
> 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
> depressed.
> 6. Discharge status: Alive, but without permission.
> 7. Healthy appearing, decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
> forgetful.
> 8. The patient refused an autopsy.
> 9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
> 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
> 11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
> only a forty pound weight gain in the past three days.
> 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
> 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
> 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might
> like to work her up.
> 15. She is numb from her toes down.
> 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.
> 17. The skin was moist and dry.
> 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
> 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
> 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
> 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
> she got a divorce.
> 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
> therapy.
> 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
> 24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
> 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
> 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
> stockbroker instead.
> 27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
> 28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
> 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit
> on the abdomen, and I agree.
> 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
> 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
>
> James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
> *“If you have a chance to accomplish something that will make things
> better for people coming behind you, and you don’t do it, you're wasting
> your time on this Earth.”  -- *Roberto Clemente
>