[Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

[Jay Weigel]

There have been online AA and Al-Anon meetings for years, started mostly
for members who are out there rdar from others. It's been a long time since
I've done one and I can't remember how to get there, but google is your
friend.

On Fri, Jul 31, 2015 at 4:39 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
wrote:

> Online? That's something I wouldn't have thought of!! I do remember
> finding Al-Anon's "One Day at a Time" reader helpful, but then I gave away
> my last copy.
>
> On July 31, 2015, at 4:14 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> I find that every once in awhile I need a refresher. Just a thought.
> Sometimes I find an online meeting does it for me, sometimes I just go back
> and do some reading.
>
> On Fri, Jul 31, 2015 at 2:57 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > I'm actually an Al-Anon alum, Heather, which is the only reason I'm even
> > halfway dealing with this and also sleeping at night!
> >
> > My daughter told me this morning that my son had called her, because he
> > couldn't sleep.  She told me she thinks our relationship is irreparable
> and
> > that I should just move on. She also reminded me that I had cut myself
> off
> > from my parents.  The difference, as  I see it is that I was never
> hateful
> > to them, just had as little contact as possible once I realized how toxic
> > it was for me to be around them.  But we lived about ten hours away, so
> > that was easy.
> >
> > My daughter also pointed out that, if it weren't for the children, my son
> > and I probably wouldn't see each other at all. He did tell me a year or
> so
> > ago that aside from the kids, we have nothing in common, and he wanted me
> > out of his life.  Then a few months later, they invited me for
> > Thanksgiving...
> >
> > Ah well, enough...thanks for listening and praying, all of you!
> >
> > On Fri, Jul 31, 2015 at 2:37 PM, H Angus <hangus at ctcn.net> wrote:
> >
> > > Dear Grace,
> > >
> > > I agree with what everyone has said, and I would also suggest that you
> > > consider attending Al-Anon meetings. That was where I learned how to
> > refuse
> > > to be abused by out-of-control people, definitely including relatives.
> > >
> > > Heather
> > >
> > > ----- Original Message -----
> > > From: "Susan Hagen" <susanvhagen at gmail.com>
> > > To: "magdalen" <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> > > Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2015 10:13:07 PM
> > > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please
> > >
> > > Dear Grace,
> > > You have my prayers.  I know the pain of being in the blast radius of
> > > someone else's rage.  I think you've done all you can for now.  I pray
> > that
> > > you will feel the love that all of us feel for you and always feel
> God's
> > > love.
> > >
> > > Susan
> > >
> > > On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 4:10 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> > > wrote:
> > >
> > > > Well, that's an idea, Molly, and there are a couple of people.  I had
> > > > thought of sending the original letter to my daughter and one other
> > > friend
> > > > to read, but decided against it and just deleted it.
> > > > This was what I just sent my son:
> > > > <https://us-mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1amvfrlmd5t4b#>
> > > > "Today at 3:51 PM
> > > >  I see that I have another note from you.  I haven't deleted it, but
> > I'm
> > > > not ready to read it yet, either.  I'll let you know if/when I do. I
> > > > sometimes wonder if you have any idea how hurtful you can be. And
> then,
> > > > after awhile, it's like you forget all about it, and things sort of
> go
> > > back
> > > > to normal--until the next time."
> > > >
> > > > I think for now, not reading it is probably the best idea. And if
> > you're
> > > > thinking there may be mental issues involved, you're right. But
> prayer
> > > will
> > > > take care of those; no need for medication! It's just sad all the way
> > > > around, and I do worry about the kids--six of their own and currently
> > two
> > > > fosters.
> > > >
> > > > On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 3:55 PM, Molly Wolfmama <lupa at kos.net>
> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > You've got my prayers, in spades.  What a horrible situation for
> you!
> > > Is
> > > > > there someone else who could read it in confidence and give you a
> > > précis?
> > > > >
> > > > > Hugs,
> > > > > Molly
> > > > >
> > > > > The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn
> > in
> > > no
> > > > > other way. -- Mark Twain
> > > > >
> > > > > > On Jul 29, 2015, at 3:41 PM, Grace Cangialosi <
> gracecan at gmail.com>
> > > > > wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Without going into the very long, sad history, I'm asking your
> > > prayers
> > > > > for
> > > > > > what will probably seem like something totally insignificant.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Periodically my son subjects me to verbal or written diatribes,
> > > > sometimes
> > > > > > cutting me off from seeing his children, sometimes not.  They
> > always
> > > > seem
> > > > > > to come out of left field.  This time I had responded to an
> article
> > > he
> > > > > > forwarded to me, agreeing with much of it, which I thought would
> > > > surprise
> > > > > > him, and thinking it might be the opening for a real
> conversation.
> > > > > Instead,
> > > > > > I got back a long, long attack, really hateful and verbally
> > abusive.
> > > I
> > > > > read
> > > > > > just enough to see what was there and then deleted it. Went back
> > > later
> > > > > and
> > > > > > emptied it from the trash, so I wouldn't be tempted to read the
> > whole
> > > > > thing
> > > > > > and spend the next three days beating myself up and wondering
> what
> > > I've
> > > > > > done wrong. (Which, of course, I've been doing anyway...)
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Anyway--sorry this is so long--I carefully wrote a response,
> > saying I
> > > > was
> > > > > > sorry that he had felt the need to respond that way, that I had
> > > deleted
> > > > > his
> > > > > > message without reading most of it, because I didn't need that
> > verbal
> > > > > > abuse. ( I had seen that he was heading into a place I've seen
> > > > > > before...insisting that we are all depraved and evil at heart,
> but
> > my
> > > > > pride
> > > > > > won't let me see that, even though Scripture is clear on that.
> > There
> > > > was
> > > > > > something to the effect that I put on this show so that people
> will
> > > > > > think I'm a good person, etc.) I stopped reading there.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I told him it saddens me that that's so much of his theology,
> that
> > > Paul
> > > > > > really needs to be read through the lens of the Gospels and
> Jesus'
> > > > > > reflection of God as a God of love. And also that God created the
> > > world
> > > > > and
> > > > > > saw that it was good. I ended by saying that I would continue to
> > pray
> > > > > that
> > > > > > he will find that God of love and know that he is loved by God.
> > And
> > > > > after
> > > > > > much consideration, I went ahead and signed it Love, Mom.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Now I see that I have a reply from him that starts out "I hope
> you
> > > > won't
> > > > > > delete this before reading it...,"  but I haven't opened it yet.
> > I'm
> > > > > > tempted to just write back and say that I haven't read it yet
> > because
> > > > I'm
> > > > > > not ready to read it, but that I  haven't deleted it yet, either.
> > > > Maybe
> > > > > > that would be the way to go?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I also thought about forwarding it to my daughter without reading
> > it
> > > > and
> > > > > > asking her to tell me whether to read it or not, but that seems
> the
> > > > > > cowardly way to go.  She's aware of the situation, though I
> didn't
> > > > share
> > > > > > the other email with her. She pretty much keeps her distance from
> > him
> > > > > most
> > > > > > of the time. Her take is that he finds it easier to take his
> anger
> > > out
> > > > on
> > > > > > me than to actually deal with the things he doesn't like about
> > > himself
> > > > > and
> > > > > > the choices he's made.  In my head I know that's probably true,
> and
> > > > > that's
> > > > > > what I would say to someone else in this situation, but it's hard
> > not
> > > > to
> > > > > > get hooked by this when it happens.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Anyway, what I need is some clarity about the "right" thing to do
> > > now.
> > > > > > Delete without reading? Tell him I still have it, but am not
> ready
> > to
> > > > > read
> > > > > > it yet?  Just grit my teeth and read it? What I feel when I
> > > contemplate
> > > > > > that last alternative is fear about what I'll find...and that is,
> > on
> > > > one
> > > > > > level, totally ridiculous, I know. Whatever is there is already
> > > there,
> > > > > > whether I read it or not.  And it couldn't possibly be any worse
> > than
> > > > > > things I've already had to take from him. It's not the different
> > > ideas
> > > > I
> > > > > > have a problem with, it's the personal attacks. And I've really
> > > worked
> > > > > hard
> > > > > > over the years to keep the door open to relationships with the
> > > > children.
> > > > > > There have been two different times when he barred me from seeing
> > > them
> > > > > for
> > > > > > several months, but then it's like he kind of forgets, and
> they'll
> > > > invite
> > > > > > me to do something.  I don't know if my daughter-in-law is aware
> of
> > > all
> > > > > of
> > > > > > this, but I've never said anything to her. She has to do exactly
> > what
> > > > he
> > > > > > says, and I don't need to add to her worries.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Sorry...I really didn't mean to go on so long. But prayers for
> > > clarity
> > > > > > would be welcome.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Grace
> > > > > >
> > > > > > --
> > > > > > Grace Cangialosi
> > > > > > Ruckersville, VA
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> > > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > --
> > > > Grace Cangialosi
> > > > Ruckersville, VA
> > > >
> > > > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > Before enlightenment pay bills, do laundry.  After enlightenment pay
> > bills,
> > > do laundry.
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Grace Cangialosi
> > Ruckersville, VA
> >
> > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> >
>