[Magdalen] Prayer request

Fri Mar 13 20:10:18 UTC 2015

We can be our own worst critic.

>From what you write, it is transparently obvious that you are doing
extremely good work in one of the toughest tasks of all -- losing weight.
And I bet that just as soon as you read that all those little "Yes-BUT"
voices jumped up to stop and cancel out this positive note.

And you're doing well.  I mean, look, being where you are, just being
there, is hard work, and you probably aren't sure just how you ought to go
about it.  So, even though we have not met, and I know nothing of what you
actually are going through, I can write what I wrote and KNOW that it's not
a cliche.

But just in case you forgot, that's not what it's about.  Because it's not
about being the best we can be or doing it well enough or whatever.  I
don't really buy into a lot of what one may find in scripture, but one
thing I think is worth at least giving serious consideration is the
affirmation that nothing you or anyone can do can possibly ever make God
stop loving you.  That is so off-the-hook absurd that it must surely be
true.  And wasn't that really what Jesus was trying to get at all along?

It's not about writing off the bad people, because Jesus forgave the man
who had just driven nails through his hands and feet.  If that's made up,
it's made up because the Spirit put into the writer's heart to write it,
and such a thing is true.

So if you are feeling a bit inadequate (<snort!> Aren't we all...),
remember that if you are, actually in truth, terribly, horribly inadequate
-- hey, it's still okay! And nothing can take that "okay" away, although
you can forget it from time to time (Don't we all...).

I do not know if this is the darkness John of the Cross talks of.  We
certainly have times when we just seem icky.  We forget we really truly are
okay, but we still are.

James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Fri, Mar 13, 2015 at 2:32 PM, Kristin Rollins <kristin at verumsolum.com>
wrote:

> If I could be added to the prayer list, please…
>
> Life has been rough the past month or so. I did not once get to church
> in February, partly because of the weather, partly because of other
> reasons.
>
> There is nothing big that is wrong, but all sorts of little keeps piling
> up and grabbing me. I hope that the passing of the wintry weather will
> help, but there is a whole lot of pushing through fears required and
> that gets tiring.
>
> But I am still pushing on. I made it to church on Sunday morning for the
> first time in over a month. Even risked going to my parish from 2009-10
> for the first time on a Sunday morning as Kristin. (I had played the
> organ for one funeral as Kristin, but mostly stayed up in the organ loft
> that day.) And I have been making it fairly regularly to the Y to use
> the treadmill and yesterday crossed the line where my BMI (for what it
> is worth) no longer calls me obese but merely overweight. About ten and
> a half months of work to get this far. The next time the scale goes down
> by a fraction of a pound, I will reach 85 pounds lost. The pants I
> bought because the ones I had been wearing were too loose are themselves
> getting to the point where I dare not wear them if my hands will be
> full. And while I am not there yet, this week was the first time I
> really started pushing myself to answer "what is the end goal." I have a
> number in mind. It isn't so much "that is the number I want to be," but
> it is probably in the ballpark. But even if I did not lose another
> pound, what I have done so far is an accomplishment. And I am far
> happier with how much of me there is today than I was when I started…
> mostly in ways that I did not realize until making the changes in my
> life (mostly just wearing a Fitbit and really working to get an hour of
> walking in pretty close to daily, weather permitting, and paying
> attention to the calories I was eating and making better choices around
> food).
>
> So there are plenty of good things to celebrate, but that doesn't always
> temper the stresses and fears of life.
>
> Kristin
>
> --
>   Kristin Rollins
>   kristin at verumsolum.com
>   Portsmouth, VA
>