[Magdalen] Garrison Keillor on marriage

[Joseph Cirou]

I didn't get to listen to the whole show. Was it on recently or is it part of the received canon of Garsinomia?

Joe

-----Original Message-----
>From: James Oppenheimer-Crawford <oppenheimerjw at gmail.com>
>Sent: Jan 2, 2016 12:06 AM
>To: "Magdalen at herberthouse.org" <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
>Subject: [Magdalen] Garrison Keillor on marriage
>
>The Finn Who Would Not Take A Sauna - by Garrison Keillor
>
>In Northeast Minnesota, what they call the Iron Range
>Where men are men and that is that and some things never change
>Where winter stays nine months a year, there is no spring or fall
>And it's so cold the mercury cannot be seen at all
>
>Where you and I we normal folks would shiver, shake and chatter
>And if we used an outhouse we would grow an extra bladder
>And even when it's coldest, when our feet would have no feeling
>Those Iron Rangers get dressed up and go out snowmobiling
>Out across the frozen land and make a couple stops,
>At Geno's Lounge and Rudy's Bar for whiskey, beer and schnapps
>
>But there was one a shy young man, and although he was Finnish
>The joys of winter had for him long started to diminish
>He was a Finn, the only Finn, who would not take a sauna
>"It isn't that I can't", he said, "I simply do not wauna."
>
>And so he stayed close by the stove for nine months of the year
>Because he was so sensitive to change of temperature
>His friends said, "Come on Toivo, let's go out to Sunfish Lake.
>Why a Finn who don't take sauna's, why there must be some mistake!"
>
>But Toivo said, "There's no mistake, I know that I would freeze,
>in water colder than myself 98.6 degrees.
>To jump into a frozen lake is not my fondest wish,
>For just because I am a Finn, don't mean that I'm a fish!"
>
>One night he went to Eveleth, to attend the Miners Ball
>If you have not danced in Eveleth, you have never danced at all
>And he met a Finnish beauty there, who turned his head around
>She was broad of beam, and when she danced she shook the frozen ground
>
>She took that shy young man in hand and swept him off his feet,
>And bounced him up and down until he learned that polka beat
>She was as strong as any man, she was as fair as she was wide
>And when the dance was over, he asked her to be his bride
>
>She looked him over carefully, she said, "You're kinda thin,
>But you must have some courage if it's true you are a Finn.
>Now I'm not particular about men, and I am no prima donna,
>But I would never marry one who would not take a sauna!"
>
>They jumped into her pickup, and down the road they drove
>And 15 minutes later they were stokin' up the stove
>She had a flask of whiskey, they had a couple toots
>And went into the shack and got into their birthday suits
>
>She steamed him and she boiled him until his skin turned red
>She poured it on until his brains were boiling in his head
>To increase his circulation, and to soften up his hide
>She cut a couple birch boughs, and she beat him till he cried,
>
>"Oh couldn't you just love me now, oh don't you think you can?"
>She said, "It's time to go outside and show you are a man!"
>Straight away because he loved her so, he thought his heart would break
>Out the door and down the path and he ran down to the lake
>
>And though he paused a moment when he saw the lake was frozen
>And tried to think just which snow bank his love had put his clothes in
>When he thought of his true love he didn't have to think twice
>He just picked up his frozen feet and raced across the ice
>
>And coming to the hole that they had chopped there with an ax
>Throwing common sense aside, ignoring all the facts
>He leaped, (oh what a leap), and as he dove below the surface
>It chilled him to his very soul, and also made him nervous.
>
>And it wasn't just the tingling cold that thrilled his every limb
>He cried, "My love I'm finished! I forgot, I cannot swim!"
>She fished him out, and stood him up, and gave him an embrace
>That warmed his very heart and made the blood rush to his face
>
>"I love you darling dear!" she cried. "I love you with all my might."
>And she drove him to Biwabik, and he married her that night
>And there they live to this day, and though they sometimes quarrel
>I guess that's where the story ends, except for this the moral
>
>Marriage friends is no banquet, love is no free lunch
>You cannot dabble 'round the edge, but each must take the plunge
>Though marriage like that frozen lake may sometimes make us colder
>It has its pleasures too, as you'll find out as you grow older.
>
>Thanks to Bre'er Jon!
>
>James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
>*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
>except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy