[Magdalen] Transitions

[thedonboyd at austin.rr.com]

Jay,  If your experience is anything like ours was when our 24-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver in 1992, surviving the sudden death of an adult child is the hardest thing you will ever do.  For a while we were sort of numb (this was protective), and over time the moments of feeling overwhelmed by sadness and loss came less and less frequently and didn't last so long, but even now some trigger can set off a short, sharp pang.  

You are nicer than I am; I confess that at times I have wished that some know-it-all blowhard would STFU and undergo a similar experience if that was what it took to shut his mouth.    

Two things I would mention that you may need to prepare yourself for:  (1)  well-intended folks who, wishing to comfort, will utter the damnedest foolery [I spare you examples; you will hear them soon enough], and (2) friends who, not knowing what to say and (I believe) contemplating how devastated they would feel if faced by similar loss, withdraw from social contact with you.

There is one blessing which, though one hopes never to need it, can come to bereaved parents and others in similar need:  you may discover a friend in whose presence you can howl and rail or sit in silent grief without their being driven away from you or trying to "fix" you, who will without (or sometime with) words let you know that You Are Not Alone.

Love,  Don

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your 
servant Adam.   Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of 
your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your 
own redeeming. Receive him into the arms of your mercy, 
into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the 
glorious company of the saints in light. Amen.
 
May his soul and the souls of all the departed, through the 
mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. 

Most merciful God, whose wisdom is beyond our 
understanding: Deal graciously with Jay in her grief. 
Surround her with your love, that she may not be 
overwhelmed by her loss, but have confidence in your 
goodness, and strength to meet the days to come; through 
Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 


---- Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote: 
> And I devoutly hope that none of you ever do. It is the second time for me.
> The first was 45 years ago, but that was an infant. This is far different.
> I do not wish it on anyone.