[Magdalen] Admission

[James Handsfield]

I attended my first AA meeting Tuesday evening accompanied by John.  It was quite eye opening.  I was rather startled by how young some of the attendees were - not more than kids.  I was also impressed by the sharing and the acceptance.

I didn’t sleep well last night.  I was awake fighting demons, which really means I was wrestling with myself.  I finally came to admit that I have a problem with alcohol and that I am an alcoholic.  

I also wrestled with trying to figure out what is my higher power.  One might assume it is God or Jesus or the HS or . . .  But I’ve been living with them for years and it didn’t seem to help.  I think, at least for now, I have an answer:  community.  It might be the Church community, the community I have with Marcy and Matthew, the community I have with John, the community I have in Harry, the community I have with the caregivers support group at St. Bede’s, etc.  It is the community that will give me the structure I need to proceed.

I spoke with John a little bit ago and told him I’m going to try to get to a meeting today.  I expect to pick up my white chip.  John’s agreed to be my temporary sponsor, and we’ll communicate one way or another every day.  There are a couple of meetings nearby that will be, at least, less inconvenient than some meetings.  But I’ve made it clear to Marcy that this will involve some inconvenience for both of us.

Thanks for letting me share.

Thinking one can behave their way into heaven is an insult to the whole idea of salvation.

James Handsfield
jhandsfield at gmail.com