[Magdalen] Prayers - breakthrough in work conflict

[Eleanor Braun]

Praying for you and especially for a good resolution for you, and relief
from the anxiety.

Eleanor

On Sat, Mar 19, 2016 at 3:54 PM, Sally Davies <sally.davies at gmail.com>
wrote:

> Dear list friends
>
> When I think that this time last year, I was swinging in the Golden Hammock
> with a possible cancer diagnosis hanging over our family, I realise how
> petty today's problems seem to be.
>
> And yet I'm feeling hugely stressed by something that's blown up at
> work...the nub of it is that one of my close (much younger) colleagues is
> married to another psychologist who is trying, recently, to build a
> practice in the hospital where I work as a rehab psychologist in tandem
> with an OT from the same outfit, and in association with other therapists
> who work in the acute hospital.
>
> I've said many times that they should use psychological services better in
> the Acute hospital, and not only when a patient stops eating and wants to
> die. But it can and does cause complications with rehab patients, because
> an individual therapist working "in a bubble" tends to see things rather
> differently to those of us who are part of an interdisciplinary team.
>
> So we were asked by the doctor to assess and commence the transfer process
> for a patient my colleague's husband was already seeing as a psychologist;
> he'd been called in by the staff in the ICU because of the extreme trauma
> she'd experienced, and had seen her a couple of times.
>
> I expected my involvement to be no more than a basic assessment and a
> couple of check ins to help with our case management.  I gave him feedback
> from the assessment and had the impression that he wasn't too pleased to
> hear from me...so should have taken warning from that in hindsight...but
> I've worked with him before, he'd been a locum for us, and I thought he
> understood our position. Perhaps he did, but I certainly didn't understand
> his, until it was too late...
>
> The following week I looked in (to see how the weekend had gone and results
> of the scans etc, only to find the patient angry, in pain, and distressed,
> saying that she had not seen the other therapist in the past week except
> once when he'd come in, found the nurses busy with dressings, and said he'd
> come back but failed to do so. And she said she wanted to confront him.
> That was really difficult for me. I spent a bit of time listening to this
> as helpfully as I could, reassured her as best I could, and later that
> afternoon I called him to say that the patient needed to see him and was
> upset. He was sick (and sounding dreadful), which made me feel even more
> uncomfortable with the situation.
>
> The next day I saw him in passing in the hospital and he mentioned he'd
> seen the patient but they clearly hadn't had The Talk she had in mind, so I
> thought perhaps they'd sorted it out, at that point she had her own room so
> there was a least a bit of privacy. She then went for her surgery and was
> taken to the ICU. The next day, he went to see her there and she let him
> have it - but didn't, as far as I know, tell him why she felt so let down,
> just that she doesn't want to see him anymore.
>
> Well, he was furious and yelled at me on the phone for about 20 minutes,
> accusing me of taking over his patient and generally venting his feelings.
> He wouldn't let me say anything in response and maybe that's just as well.
>
>  He has also now complained to my immediate boss and even to the manager of
> the hospital for which I work, which is not the one I actually work IN.
> The psychologists at the rehab hospital will also have to get involved and
> my boss (an OT) has spoken to them (I haven't, yet, and am dreading that,
> though apparently the senior psychologist doesn't think I didn't anything
> wrong).
>
> I'm so stressed by this. It is very possible that I HAVE done something
> wrong in terms of the somewhat Byzantine ethical rules that govern our
> professional work; but I cannot think how I might have done differently,
> without either letting the patient down myself, or looking as though I were
> deliberately trying to get my colleague's husband into trouble (for
> instance, if I'd not listened to the patient but had gone straight to the
> ward sister to intervene and sort it out).
>
> And I am certain that if he HAD showed up to see her more/sooner, and had
> spoken about what she wanted to speak about, things would have gone to
> plan. It's not just the patient's word on that, her mother (who's been with
> her all along) also had the same experience and the same complaint. And
> she's not ill, medicated or in any way compromised in her testimony.
>
> My boss is supporting me, which only serves to make the guy more angry and
> I'm sure he plans to report me to the professional board. That's bad
> enough, as I haven't sorted out any insurance and probably won't be able to
> if there's a complaint pending...but what worries me just as much, is that
> I can't see a way to maintain a cordial, co-operative relationship with my
> colleague whilst at the same time having this nightmare unresolved. And I
> can't see a way to resolve it because I don't know what the heck he wants -
> me to be sacked perhaps? Sanctioned by the Health Professions Council?
> Resign? Make a formal apology (Hell no, I'd have to be crazy to do THAT no
> matter how badly I feel).
>
>  If he makes further complaint, that will be a huge pain for me as these
> things are laborious and expensive...and not just for me, he could get into
> far worse trouble if the patient or patient's mom specifies her complaints
> in the same way she did with me.  But he won't listen, either to me or my
> boss, and therefore doesn't seem to realise this. In his mind, the only
> problem is me, and it's likely my colleague thinks the same. She adores her
> husband and thinks he's the fount of all wisdom. If he ends up in trouble
> or just looking foolish, I don't think she'll get over it any time soon.
>
> But I can't put that in front of the patient's needs, and I can't assume
> that her best interests are other than what she's clearly expressing them
> to be. Even though I know this is exactly what mental health professionals
> often do...
>
> After I spent most of last night sleepless and most of today fretting on
> and off about this mess, Keith said "Why don't you ask Magdalene to pray? -
> and I realised that he was right.
>
> Sorry for the ramble...tired and emotional as they say. But i would
> appreciate prayers for everyone involved - for me, for my colleague and her
> husband, for his practice to find a better way to thrive, and of course for
> the patient who has spent three weeks in the seventh circle of Hell,
> compared to which all of this pales into insignificance.
>
> Sally D
>