[Magdalen] Prayer Request for my old friend

[Molly Wolf]

I just had a major discussion with my son over the assumption by some folks that other folks with health issues are "milking the system" or otherwise trying to manipulate the healthy into getting their own way.  Apparently some people feel that cancer victims are prima donnas who just want to be catered to.  Very much the same sort of dismissive, condescending, blaming statements occur when humans try to manage their fear of (say) the poor.  

Of course it's quite possible that this happens.  I'm just not convinced that it's my job to pass this sort of judgment without the facts.  Maybe Ann's roommates are faking it; maybe they have psychogenic but real disorders; maybe they have disabling ailments.  We have no information.

I had a breakthrough moment when I realized that the valetudinarian ladies in Georgette Heyer's novels might well have been suffering from cosmetic heavy metal poisoning.

Molly

The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. -- Mark Twain

> On Jan 16, 2017, at 5:32 PM, James Oppenheimer-Crawford <oppenheimerjw at gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> I sometimes run into a word that is not acceptable to someone else.  My
> first response is to laugh uproariously and shout, "No!  You've GOT to be
> kidding me!" But that usually doesn't end well, so now I just apologize and
> try to make a mental note not to use that word again with that person.  If
> it happens very often, I try to avoid using the word. I would not have
> expected that response to "sickly," but the other person might be a bit
> hypervigilant because they realize the state of affairs (milking their
> situation) and are trying to deny it. Sickly is a term which describes a
> state of being.  For a person to find it offensive means something else is
> going on, but on the other hand, we all try to avoid offending our friends.
> 
> James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
> *“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
> except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy
> 
> On Mon, Jan 16, 2017 at 12:02 PM, Ann Markle <ann.markle at aya.yale.edu>
> wrote:
> 
>> Hmmm.  "Elderly."  I guess if it were even vaguely defined, as is "senior"
>> (whether it starts at 50 or 65 or whatever, at least there's a defining
>> age), it wouldn't be so (even mildly) offensive to me.  There seems to me
>> to be just a touch of a sniff attached to the word "elderly," some sort of
>> judgment about age or physical condition (I've heard it used pretty
>> interchangeably with "frail elderly").
>> 
>> I've been wondering the same thing (and having a similar debate) regarding
>> the word "sickly."  My housemate and her partner have been -- not just
>> under the weather, but pretty much out of commission, flat in bed or
>> housebound, for most of the fall and winter (well, except to go to San
>> Diego for a vacation, of course).  I offhandedly used the word "sickly"
>> when I referred to the two of them several weeks ago, and was met with a
>> sharp response.  When I pointed out the weeks they had been out of
>> commission (not socializing, even with each other, not doing usual
>> activities, keeping only necessary appointments, going to bed and to sleep
>> after being out for even a short time), there was still an icy silence.  To
>> be perfectly truthful, when I stopped to think it through there was a
>> certain mild value judgment on my part attached to the use of the word
>> "sickly" (sometimes it feels as though they're trying to
>> "out-hypochondriac" one another).  However, it really was an offhand,
>> almost inadvertent use of the word at the time, expressing sympathy, I
>> thought, for the amount of time they both seemed to be laid up.
>> 
>> Ann
>> 
>> The Rev. Ann Markle
>> Buffalo, NY
>> ann.markle at aya.yale.edu
>> 
>>> On Fri, Jan 13, 2017 at 9:33 AM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> 
>>> I was recently involved in a war of words on another site concerning the
>>> use of the word "elderly". A number of us felt it was mildly pejorative,
>>> not in the same class as the n-word, but somewhat in the class of using
>>> "colored" instead of African-American or black.
>>> 
>>> P.S. Our side carried the day.
>>> 
>>> On Fri, Jan 13, 2017 at 8:24 AM, Marion Thompson <
>>> marionwhitevale at gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>> 
>>>> Thanks for this, Jim.  Ain't it the truth?  I've just heard that
>> another
>>>> friend, now 90, is in a home, but that's good because she will have
>> lots
>>> of
>>>> company and stimulation!  The helpful neighbourhood fellow brought my
>>> paper
>>>> down to the house yesterday and said the company should bring it to my
>>> door
>>>> "You're an elderly woman."  Whaaaat?   Not how I see myself At
>>>> All!!!!!!!!!!  But it comes to us all, I guess, especially in the eyes
>> of
>>>> the world.
>>>> 
>>>> Marion, a pilgrim   ... today my sail I lift ....
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>>> On 1/13/2017 12:14 AM, James Oppenheimer-Crawford wrote:
>>>>> 
>>>>> This is a nightmare of many as we age and become less and less able to
>>>>> take
>>>>> care of ourselves. I pray that he gets a fine place to live out the
>> rest
>>>>> of
>>>>> his days with dignity.
>>>>> 
>>>>> 
>>>>> James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
>>>>> *“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not
>>> preserved,
>>>>> except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy
>>>>> 
>>>>> On Thu, Jan 12, 2017 at 4:27 PM, Marion Thompson <
>>>>> marionwhitevale at gmail.com>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>> 
>>>>> Thanks for your prayers, Lynn.  I went to see him yesterday.  He is
>> his
>>>>>> spunky self -- sort of, but clearly can't go home on his own and has
>>>>>> acknowledged that it's time to give up his little church.  He's on an
>>> IV,
>>>>>> can't walk safely without people and supports, and looks pretty rough
>>> --
>>>>>> toiletries haven't caught up with him!  I got him a good hot coffee,
>>>>>> which
>>>>>> he appreciated after the cold coffee on his meal trays.  I really
>> don't
>>>>>> know where he can go from hospital, certainly not home alone!  I
>>>>>> certainly
>>>>>> hope his sons will be part of the solution for their father!
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> Marion, a pilgrim
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> On 1/10/2017 10:36 PM, Lynn Ronkainen wrote:
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> praying for Ted+ tonight, for those who will tend to his medical
>> needs
>>>>>>> and for friends who love him.
>>>>>>> Lynn
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I
>> have
>>>>>>> not a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything
>> You
>>>>>>> gave
>>>>>>> me." attributed to Erma Bombeck
>>>>>>> "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a
>>>>>>> talk
>>>>>>> by Richard Rohr
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>>>>>> From: "Marion Thompson" <marionwhitevale at gmail.com>
>>>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, January 10, 2017 4:26 PM
>>>>>>> To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
>>>>>>> Subject: [Magdalen] Prayer Request for my old friend
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> I just heard from friends that my dear old friend Ted is in
>> hospital,
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> admitted by these friends who found him in his apartment.  He had
>>> been
>>>>>>>> on
>>>>>>>> the floor for a few days. He was confused, dehydrated, and in pain.
>>>>>>>> Not
>>>>>>>> being family I can't get anything out of the hospital beyond that
>>> he's
>>>>>>>> not
>>>>>>>> on the hospital floor  my friends told me.
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> He will turn 79 shortly and is still working as a priest although
>> he
>>>>>>>> has
>>>>>>>> been going downhill badly the last while and it is all he can do to
>>>>>>>> turn up
>>>>>>>> at his little church which is housed in an old folks home.  How to
>>>>>>>> physically get him from here to out west where he wants/needs to be
>>>>>>>> nearer
>>>>>>>> to a son with three small children and an older sister has been a
>>>>>>>> continuing conundrum.
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> It's all distressing and I feel of no help at all, being at a
>>> distance
>>>>>>>> myself.  He has been a loyal friend to me.  For now all I can do is
>>> beg
>>>>>>>> your prayers for this good man who has been his own worst enemy but
>>>>>>>> deserves a better end than this.
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> Marion, a pilgrim
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> 
>>>> 
>>> 
>>