[Magdalen] Inane inanities

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

A retreat center had for its motto the wonderful saying:
"There are no problems -- only opportunities."

A vicar was checking in, and came by the reception desk declaring that he
had a problem.
The receptionist beamed at him, "Sir, we do not have problems here -- only
opportunities."

"Call it what you will," said the vicar. "There is a woman in my room."


James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Tue, Jan 17, 2017 at 2:20 AM, James Oppenheimer-Crawford <
oppenheimerjw at gmail.com> wrote:

> ​
> •   Venison for dinner again?
> Oh deer!
>
>
> •   How does Moses make tea?
> Hebrews it.
>
>
> •    England has no kidney bank,
> But it does have a Liverpool.
>
>
> •    I tried to catch some fog,
> But I mist
>
>
> •    They told me I had type-A blood,
> But it was a Typo.
>
>
>  •    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.
> It's syncing now.
>
>
>  •    Jokes about German sausage
> Are the wurst.
>
>
>  •    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid,
> But he says he can stop any time.
>
>
>  •    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went,
> And then it dawned on me.
>
>
>  •    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
> But I'd never met herbivore.
>
>
> •    When chemists die,
> They barium.
>
>
> •    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
> I just can't put it down.
>
>
> •    I did a theatrical performance about puns.
> It was a play on words.
>
>
>  •    Why were the Indians here first?
> They had reservations.
>
>
>  •    I didn't like my beard at first.
> Then it grew on me.
>
>
> •    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job;
> Because she couldn't control her pupils
>
>
>  •    When you get a bladder infection,
> Urine trouble.
>
>
>  •    Broken pencils
> Are pointless.
>
>
>  •    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
> A thesaurus.
>
>
>  •    I dropped out of communism class
> Because of lousy Marx.
>
>
>  •    I got a job at a bakery
> Because I kneaded dough.
>
>
>  •    Velcro –
> What a rip off!
>
>
>  •    Don’t worry about old age;
> It doesn’t last.
>
> ​I know: <groan>
>
> James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
> *“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
> except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy
>