[Magdalen] Maybe back to church for real now

[Scott Knitter]

Has anyone had trouble getting back into the churchgoing habit on Sundays?
I have, and I think as of Sunday I might be back.

The pandemic disrupting church really disrupted me, too, in ways I didn't
even realize. I've been back maybe four times since the pandemic started.
It's just been difficult to get myself into doing what it takes to get
there.

I'm sure if I listed the difficulties, they'd sound like excuses. Anyway,
people at church have been very patient with me, and new folks have stepped
up to serve in liturgical roles I was used to serving in. To be honest,
deep down I'd like to go back and just attend until I find something new to
contribute to or be involved with. I had been serving as a subdeacon or
other needed role every Sunday morning and some Sunday afternoons, and
every Wednesday evening until I finally worked out a deal with another
parishioner to alternate Wednesdays with her. I'd been feeling like I was
in those roles for the rest of my life.

I don't just want to go back and resume that. And no one has said that's
expected.

A fellow parishioner posted an article/reflection (not written by her)
today about how by now if you're not back in church, you're just enjoying
Sunday mornings in PJs on the sofa, watching church instead of
participating. I wrote a comment saying I didn't think it was fair for
the article-writer to assume everyone not yet fully returned is preferring
PJs and sofas, and it isn't fair to assume or judge what people are doing
on Sundays instead. I deleted that comment once it had been commented on.

I do want to go back but not in the familiar fear of being judged; it's so
unnecessary (and largely absent, but there are those who seem to
judge...perhaps I'm projecting). There is One who judges, whose property is
always to have mercy.

I know attending is about more than "getting fed." But some nourishment
might be needed before I can enter into a new mode of contribution. Maybe
it'll just be vestry...maybe we've come around the mountain to my turn
again. :^|

-- 
Scott R. Knitter
Edgewater, Chicago, Illinois USA