[Magdalen] Crucible

[Esther Williamson]

Thank you for this, Jim. I have been so appreciative of your openness 
about Marcy's illness and your care for her.
Now Jon has let us in on his decision to go on Hospice. Of course you 
are all in my prayers and I have often told you so.
However, your Epiphany, Jim, made me take a hard look at myself. I have 
always been a very private person and even when I had my heart attack 
and the mastectomy I asked not to be on the church prayer list. With 5 
children, a sister, assorted spouses and the next generation I have 
quite a support group which I felt was enough.

I love this list and have met many of you in person. I feel I have not 
been fair to the group in not explaining why I have been quite quiet of 
late. Just before Thanksgiving I had a bone marrow biopsy because my red 
blood cells and platelets had been steadily decreasing for the last 
year. Of course Leukemia comes to mind right off the bat but my doctor 
has a whole list of possibilities. I can make no real plans or decisions 
until I get the results next week but I know that I will not do extreme 
measures. If it comes to that I am quite comfortable going on Hospice. 
My children, sister, and Priest are aware of my feelings and will 
support me. I ask to be added to your prayers and I promise to keep you 
updated as I have news.

Esther


On 12/7/2014 3:09 PM, James Handsfield wrote:
> I had a bit of an epiphany today at church.  I’ve been seeing Lindsay Buehler for spiritual direction - actually both Marcy and I have been seeing her, sometimes together.  During this time with Marcy’s illness, I’ve felt sometimes abandoned, sometimes reassured, but most of the time abandoned.  According to Lindsay, it’s not desolation, which I was afraid it was, but it’s finding I’m in a different room of God’s house, and I need to find God there, not where I used to find God.
>
> My epiphany this morning is that this room is a crucible, and I’m being refined.  Out of necessity caring for Marcy, I’m gradually being rid of a great deal of selfishness, and at the same time finding myself more and more open to the love of those around me, including at St. Bede’s, in my neighborhood, here in the pub, and many other places.  It’s not an easy process, and it often hurts - a lot - both in the pain of change, and perhaps even more seeing what I’d been holding on to and how it made me sometimes distant from those I love.
>
> I’m grateful that this is a safe place to share such things.
>
> -----------------
> Thinking one can behave their way into heaven is an insult to the very foundation of salvation.
>
> Jim Handsfield
> jhandsfield at att.net
>
>
>
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