[Magdalen] Crucible

[Lynn Ronkainen]

prayers for you Esther...
I am glad that you have 'come out' to us about your health situation.

(((Esther)))

love from across the miles
Lynn

website: www.ichthysdesigns.com

When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have not a 
single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave me." 
attributed to Erma Bombeck

Thomas Merton writes, “People may spend their whole lives climbing the 
ladder of success only to find, once they reach the top, that the ladder is 
leaning against the wrong wall.”

"What you seek is seeking you." - Rumi

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From: "Esther Williamson" <momohl1 at cox.net>
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2014 4:18 PM
To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Crucible

> Thank you for this, Jim. I have been so appreciative of your openness 
> about Marcy's illness and your care for her.
> Now Jon has let us in on his decision to go on Hospice. Of course you are 
> all in my prayers and I have often told you so.
> However, your Epiphany, Jim, made me take a hard look at myself. I have 
> always been a very private person and even when I had my heart attack and 
> the mastectomy I asked not to be on the church prayer list. With 5 
> children, a sister, assorted spouses and the next generation I have quite 
> a support group which I felt was enough.
>
> I love this list and have met many of you in person. I feel I have not 
> been fair to the group in not explaining why I have been quite quiet of 
> late. Just before Thanksgiving I had a bone marrow biopsy because my red 
> blood cells and platelets had been steadily decreasing for the last year. 
> Of course Leukemia comes to mind right off the bat but my doctor has a 
> whole list of possibilities. I can make no real plans or decisions until I 
> get the results next week but I know that I will not do extreme measures. 
> If it comes to that I am quite comfortable going on Hospice. My children, 
> sister, and Priest are aware of my feelings and will support me. I ask to 
> be added to your prayers and I promise to keep you updated as I have news.
>
> Esther
>
>
> On 12/7/2014 3:09 PM, James Handsfield wrote:
>> I had a bit of an epiphany today at church.  I’ve been seeing Lindsay 
>> Buehler for spiritual direction - actually both Marcy and I have been 
>> seeing her, sometimes together.  During this time with Marcy’s illness, I’ve 
>> felt sometimes abandoned, sometimes reassured, but most of the time 
>> abandoned.  According to Lindsay, it’s not desolation, which I was afraid 
>> it was, but it’s finding I’m in a different room of God’s house, and I 
>> need to find God there, not where I used to find God.
>>
>> My epiphany this morning is that this room is a crucible, and I’m being 
>> refined.  Out of necessity caring for Marcy, I’m gradually being rid of a 
>> great deal of selfishness, and at the same time finding myself more and 
>> more open to the love of those around me, including at St. Bede’s, in my 
>> neighborhood, here in the pub, and many other places.  It’s not an easy 
>> process, and it often hurts - a lot - both in the pain of change, and 
>> perhaps even more seeing what I’d been holding on to and how it made me 
>> sometimes distant from those I love.
>>
>> I’m grateful that this is a safe place to share such things.
>>
>> -----------------
>> Thinking one can behave their way into heaven is an insult to the very 
>> foundation of salvation.
>>
>> Jim Handsfield
>> jhandsfield at att.net
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
>
>
> ---
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