[Magdalen] My announcement (was Quick prayer request)

[Roger Stokes]

Kristin,

When you first asked for our prayers over your situation I thought it 
was about more than resigning your present position and that who you are 
was at the root of it.  My prayers that your coming out proceeds smoothly.

On a related issue it was our Beer Festival last week and I remember 
serving somebody a couple of years ago who was clearly a man in the 
early stages of transition to woman, dressed and presenting as female 
but with clealry male features and looks.  By last year there was a 
clear change in how she looked, sufficient to need a check, which was 
provided by the Adam's Apple.  Last week she was clearly at ease in her 
persona and the treatment has had a very marked effect.  Her hair would 
have been the envy of many a natural-born woman.

This is not an easy step to have taken and it shows great courage.

Roger
On 16/10/2014 17:59, Scott Rollins wrote:
> ​I hope you'll forgive me for not writing a separate post, but I hope to
> when life calms down a bit.
>
> I sent the message below to the choir on Tuesday, so that they would know
> of it before our rehearsal last night. And, as had been arranged, when I
> had sent the message to the choir, the rector forwarded it on to the
> members of the vestry and the rest of the staff.
>
> The message (and then I'll add a bit more):
>
> ----- Begin included message -----
>
> Friends,
>
> A few days ago, I gave Father Derek my resignation. My final Sunday will be
> in just over a month.
>
> Part of the reason is burnout. My reaction to the parts of the job that I
> have found difficult has grown to consume more and more of my attention and
> my energy as time has gone on. Were this the only reason, I would have
> attempted to find adjustments that would permit me to continue.
>
> However, over the past few years, I have also been coming to an
> understanding of who I am which does not match how I have been presenting
> myself to you. And I have reached the point where I can't continue hiding
> who I am; that is, where I can't continue hiding that I am a transgender
> woman.
>
> A word on terminology: a transgender woman is somebody who despite the
> anatomy they were born with identifies as a woman. It isn't about
> impersonation or performance, it is about who I am.
>
> I recognize that there are those who will be uncomfortable with this and
> others who will object based upon their beliefs. So while I have come to
> the point where I need to be more open about who I am, I also believe that
> continuing in a staff position during this transition would lead to
> controversy and division within the parish, and be a distraction from (and
> detriment to) the real mission of St. John's, as well as adding to how
> difficult it would be for me to handle my responsibilities as your choir
> director.
>
> I want to thank you all for everything you all do for this parish and for
> all you have done over the last four and a half years to welcome me and to
> help lead music here at St. John's. I ask for your prayers, and you will
> continue to be in my prayers.
>
> ----- End included message -----
>
> The one thing that I left out was my name. I am using the name Kristin. I
> have been using that name in various places online for a while now, but I
> wanted to stay as Scott at work until my finish date (which is Nov 16), in
> an attempt to not cause too much of an issue while I'm still in a
> leadership position.
>
> I have been surprised at how positive the responses have been. I received
> replies Tuesday from most of the choir, and I received a couple of other
> messages from people in or connected to the vestry. And most of them were
> fully supportive. (Though, of course, there were one or two that were sorry
> I was leaving but mostly ignoring the reason behind it. I am sure the
> conversations between parishioners are far more "interesting" than any
> conversation that I will be part of.)
>
> My biggest fear had been the word getting to the parish and now that the
> situation is public knowledge, I'm feeling freer to let other people who
> knew me as Scott know. Before this week, the people who knew were my wife,
> my stepdaughter, my mother, my former therapist, our current one, my
> rector, a former parishioner who moved out of state, and members of my
> wife's now-former order, and then the online people who have only known me
> as Kristin. Now, I'm both excited and scared about coming out to other
> people and trying to stagger it enough that I don't drown under the
> responses, but quickly enough that people who need to hear quickly do.
>
> So, that's the situation here. Thank you for all your prayers around the
> announcement, and I'd appreciate them as I move forward.
>
> Kristin
>
>