[Magdalen] This saying No is tough

[James Oppenheimer]

apropos setting boundaries.  I have known some very savvy people who get
some kind of negative feedback from others, just smile and utterly pay no
further attention to it.  They are at peace with the fact that there will
always be people who do not approve of the way you are doing what you are
doing, and so the feedback does not offend.  They also do not allow
negative feedback to distract them from continuing to do what they need to
do.
Looking back, I wish I had done that a lot more when I was working; I'd
have been far more effective and happier.

James W. Oppenheimer
*“If you have a chance to accomplish something that will make things better
for people coming behind you, and you don’t do it, you're wasting your time
on this Earth.”  -- *Roberto Clemente

On Thu, Sep 25, 2014 at 10:47 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <ichthys89 at comcast.net>
wrote:

> Scott, I feel your pain in a similar vein as writer but not editor of a
> community newsletter I put together.
>
> You might consider setting some boundaries so that others begin to take on
> come categories of the website and/or get on the rector's schedule so that
> you can step down or modify your responsibilities as webmaster.
>
> hugs from Houston
> lynn
>
>
> website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
>
> When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have not
> a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave me."
> attributed to Erma Bombeck
>
> Thomas Merton writes, “People may spend their whole lives climbing the
> ladder of success only to find, once they reach the top, that the ladder is
> leaning against the wrong wall.”
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Scott Knitter" <scottknitter at gmail.com>
> Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2014 4:28 PM
> To: "Magdalen at herberthouse.org" <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> Subject: Re: [Magdalen] This saying No is tough
>
>  Isn't this a lovely email for a volunteer webmaster to receive from
>> the paid staff member who should really be doing the work?
>>
>> "Under upcoming masses, it seems you often forget to change the date
>> and title of the feast.  Obviously it should be September 28, The
>> Sixteenth …."
>>
>> Wow...that's a rather sh***y tone, in my opinion. This after having
>> been told by my partner last night, after I offered what I thought
>> were constructive suggestions about a problem, "You're not helping, AT
>> ALL."
>>
>> I guess there are days when one just gets beaten up a bit. Good thing
>> I'm not a sensitive type. (Is joke!)
>>
>> On Tue, Sep 23, 2014 at 2:15 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>> Seconding what Grace said, and suggesting that you put the idea forward.
>>>
>>> On Tue, Sep 23, 2014 at 1:33 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>  Sounds very good, Scott, especially the plan to meet with the new
>>>> rector.
>>>> I hope that can happen sooner rather than later.
>>>>
>>>> > On Sep 23, 2014, at 1:28 PM, Scott Knitter <scottknitter at gmail.com>
>>>> wrote:
>>>> >
>>>> > I really think this is getting better, and much faster with our new
>>>> > rector. There is caring and compassion, and a community feeling, and
>>>> > breakdowns in all of this, like many parishes. Long gone are the days
>>>> > (if there were such days...there may have been) when it was "all about
>>>> > the liturgy, and don't talk to me about pastoral needs." The
>>>> > dysfunctional attitude I run into with one person in particular is his
>>>> > frequent comment that "it's a new neighborhood" with the new rector
>>>> > and all changes are gratuitous or uninformed (because all priests
>>>> > should know how to do everything according to some standard that's out
>>>> > there that everyone just knows somehow). And I disagree with that
>>>> > assessment, wholeheartedly. I support the changes that Fr. Cobb has
>>>> > made (in liturgical matters and others) because they're well thought
>>>> > out and based on lots of experience.
>>>> >
>>>> > One thing that needs to happen soon is a personal meeting (over lunch
>>>> > or just in his office) with the rector to get to know each other
>>>> > better. Only so much can be discussed in quick encounters in the
>>>> > sacristy.
>>>> >
>>>> >> On Tue, Sep 23, 2014 at 11:54 AM, Molly Wolf <lupa at kos.net> wrote:
>>>> >> What Jay said.
>>>> >>
>>>> >> Molly
>>>> >>
>>>> >> The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn
>>>> >> in
>>>> no other way. -- Mark Twain
>>>> >>
>>>> >>> On Sep 23, 2014, at 12:24 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
>>>> >>> wrote:
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> ISTM that Jim G's assessment is accurate, and that love for ritual
>>>> >>> and
>>>> >>> style should not trump desire for a caring community, in the sum of
>>>> things.
>>>> >>> Scott must decide what is most important to him, and I trust that,
>>>> with the
>>>> >>> help of his therapist, he will do that.
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>>> On Tue, Sep 23, 2014 at 8:50 AM, Jim Guthrie >>>> <
>>>> jguthrie at pipeline.com>
>>>> wrote:
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> From: Susan Hagen
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> It is tough but it gets much easier with practice.  The important
>>>> >>>>> thing is to never, ever, get drawn into explanations.  No is no.
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> In Scott's situation, it may even be that the explanation will
>>>> have >>>> no
>>>> >>>> effect at all, let alone saying, "No" or even "Not right now.."
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> From what Scott has related, he's been willing and able to do what
>>>> he's
>>>> >>>> been asked, but right now he's dealing with personal issues that
>>>> >>>> need
>>>> time
>>>> >>>> and clear-thinking and relief from obligations.
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> In a "normal" parish where there's great concern and care for each
>>>> other,
>>>> >>>> the situation would be understood, and other parish members would
>>>> pitch in,
>>>> >>>> with no explanation needed. But Scott's situation is challenging
>>>> because it
>>>> >>>> appears that neither fellow parishioners nor the Rector give much
>>>> >>>> of
>>>> a hoot
>>>> >>>> about his situation.
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> This is not about burnout, or offering ones gifts as one is able.
>>>> >>>> It's
>>>> >>>> about Christian Community, or lack of it, I think.
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> Cheers,
>>>> >>>> Jim Guthrie
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> > --
>>>> > Scott R. Knitter
>>>> > Edgewater, Chicago, Illinois USA
>>>>
>>>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Scott R. Knitter
>> Edgewater, Chicago, Illinois USA
>>
>
>