[Magdalen] pain

[Jon Egger]

Despite being mobile, my pain levels are raging ever higher, the doc has
increased my slow release morphine to 75mg every twelve hours. He has also
increased the vicodin.

The two hospice RNs who care for me have begin mentioning 'nursing
facility' and 'hospice care facility' to me.  My non-response has been
noted.

Pain getting worse, more narcotics, pain meds,  and talk of hospice have
left me crestfallen today. There are no words to describe how sad and
scared I am.  During the spring of 2013 a parishioner asked me to pray for
myself and my healing.  I thought for a long time and replied, "Sister,
I've seen my x-rays...God can't fix those lungs." Such praying (for
yourself) seems so self-centered, so full of hubris, and terribly selfish.

Thanks for letting me vent. Peace, baseball, and Netflix will be my
companion until Dawn gets off work at 830 tonight.

Grace and peace,
brud