[Magdalen] Marcy update

[Clarissa Canning]

prayers


On Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 7:44 AM, Marilyn Cepeda <mcepeda514 at gmail.com> wrote:

> My Prayers and concern continue......wish I could do more...
>
> Marilyn
> On Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 6:57 AM Ginga Wilder <gingawilder at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Jim, my prayers continue for you and Marcy.
> >
> > I wish with Susan that the people of Magdalen's could be more than cyber
> > neighbors for you.  We care deeply and we are not there for you in
> > person...keep the updates coming often so that we will know how to pray.
> >
> > Georgia has given you loving advice, which you may do with as you need or
> > not.
> >
> > I will share with you that both my parents had lingering illnesses.  Both
> > needed a lot of personal care, especially my mother.  Both wanted to die
> at
> > home.  Each had professional caregivers in the home - it broke the bank
> and
> > it broke each one of us in terrible ways. (When the money ran out, my
> > father was admitted to the VA.)
> >
> > During my mother's decline, my sisters and I were in our late 30/early
> > 40s.  We all worked and had families.  When the time came for my mother
> to
> > have around the clock care, my sisters and I borrowed big money from my
> > uncle for sitters from Monday morning until Friday night.  My sisters
> and I
> > took the weekend shifts.  Hurricane Hugo blew directly through
> Summerville
> > two days after Mother's doctor said she could go at any time.  Mother
> > stayed with my youngest sister during the storm and a week afterwards.
> She
> > and the Wilders had major damage to our houses due to the storm.  Our
> > Greenville sister came from Greenville with a car full of after-storm
> needs
> > and her husband's company sent an industrial generator so that we could
> > prepare hot food for Mama and wash her clothes. The Mennonites who came
> to
> > town to assist where they could were sent by the fire chief to  my
> sister's
> > house to dry in the roof so that Mama would not be in a wet, unhealthy
> > environment.  My sisters and I took all three shifts while Mama was out
> of
> > her apartment.  Mama made it home for a few weeks and died peacefully one
> > early morning when a sitter was on duty.  (We pain Uncle Frank back from
> > Mama's small estate.)
> >
> > My point, it took a village.  We could not do it on our own.  Even with
> > three of us, we could not take care of Mama without onsite help.  She
> > received excellent care, but our families suffered.  One divorce and one
> > psychiatric hospitalization happened as a result of Mama's daughter's not
> > being fully present with our families.  Of course, both of these issues
> > were pending before Mother's illness, but they certainly came to a head
> > when we were working so hard to keep Mama home.  We (sisters and our
> > families) were all years recovering from providing this loving care.  We
> > knew going in that what we were going to do would take sacrifices from
> each
> > of us.  It did, but was there another way that would allow us to take
> > better care of ourselves and our families?  in addition to granting
> Mama's
> > wish?  Perhaps.  There is no way to know if the marriage could have been
> > healed or the child's hospitalization could have been avoided with
> > conitnued out patient psychiatric care.  But, perhaps.  We have no real
> > regrets, and we were forever changed.  It was very hard work.  We could
> not
> > have done it without the village....
> >
> > Enough said.  Sending love to you and Marcy, Jim.  What the two of you
> are
> > going through is so very hard.
> >
> > Ginga
> >
> > On Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 1:13 AM, Georgia DuBose <gdubose at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> >
> > > Dear Jim,
> > >
> > > As I think I may have mentioned to you before, my dear friend and
> > > colleague, Rick Rutledge, with whom I studied for the priesthood, died
> in
> > > 2014 of ALS. Everyone deals with this miserable disease differently,
> and
> > > Rick was heroic. However, when he and Kathy knew what they were dealing
> > > with, they agreed that he would go to an excellent extended care
> facility
> > > when his incapacity became severe. That's what happened.
> > >
> > > Perhaps you and Marcy never made such an agreement. It sounds to me,
> > having
> > > had way more experience up close with ALS than anyone wants to have--my
> > > friend Clare Hawkins' husband Robert also died of ALS--that it is time
> > for
> > > Marcy to be cared for professionally 24-7. You will be no good to her
> if
> > > you are so frayed that you fall apart.
> > >
> > > You can tell me to go to hell if you want to, and that it is none of my
> > > business. That may clarify for you what you want to do further--if you
> > > think Marcy should be at home, and you can manage that. However, if you
> > > want "permission" to have Marcy cared for in a facility, consider this
> > your
> > > "slip." Clare also had Robert in an extended care facility, and that
> made
> > > it possible for her to carry on with being with him until the end. (She
> > was
> > > very fragile during his illness, and finally recognized that she needed
> > > more than temporary respite.) Both Kathy and Clare found the nights the
> > > hardest, and knowing that their guys were being taken care of at night
> by
> > > people who had the necessary equipment to help them in every possible
> way
> > > was a great relief.
> > >
> > > You are in my prayers all the time. I am sorrier than I can possibly
> say
> > at
> > > this wretched turn of events. Please, do whatever you need to do to
> take
> > > care of your needs as well as Marcy's, knowing that those who love both
> > of
> > > you will support the course you take.
> > >
> > > With love and concern,
> > >
> > > Georgia+
> > >
> > > On Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 8:30 PM, AT&T <jhandsfield at att.net> wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tonight, Marcy decided she would get up without assistance. I
> > retrieved a
> > > > cane she wanted. After ten months she gave up (TBTG).  She seems to
> be
> > in
> > > > denial that she can't do the things she wants to do. I'm near the end
> > of
> > > my
> > > > rope.
> > > >
> > > > Jim Handsfield
> > > > Sent from my iPhone
> > >
> >
> --
> Marilyn (Owens, Palmero) Cepeda
> Mobile, Alabama
>