[Magdalen] Marcy update

[Marilyn Cepeda]

My Prayers and concern continue......wish I could do more...

Marilyn
On Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 6:57 AM Ginga Wilder <gingawilder at gmail.com> wrote:

> Jim, my prayers continue for you and Marcy.
>
> I wish with Susan that the people of Magdalen's could be more than cyber
> neighbors for you.  We care deeply and we are not there for you in
> person...keep the updates coming often so that we will know how to pray.
>
> Georgia has given you loving advice, which you may do with as you need or
> not.
>
> I will share with you that both my parents had lingering illnesses.  Both
> needed a lot of personal care, especially my mother.  Both wanted to die at
> home.  Each had professional caregivers in the home - it broke the bank and
> it broke each one of us in terrible ways. (When the money ran out, my
> father was admitted to the VA.)
>
> During my mother's decline, my sisters and I were in our late 30/early
> 40s.  We all worked and had families.  When the time came for my mother to
> have around the clock care, my sisters and I borrowed big money from my
> uncle for sitters from Monday morning until Friday night.  My sisters and I
> took the weekend shifts.  Hurricane Hugo blew directly through Summerville
> two days after Mother's doctor said she could go at any time.  Mother
> stayed with my youngest sister during the storm and a week afterwards.  She
> and the Wilders had major damage to our houses due to the storm.  Our
> Greenville sister came from Greenville with a car full of after-storm needs
> and her husband's company sent an industrial generator so that we could
> prepare hot food for Mama and wash her clothes. The Mennonites who came to
> town to assist where they could were sent by the fire chief to  my sister's
> house to dry in the roof so that Mama would not be in a wet, unhealthy
> environment.  My sisters and I took all three shifts while Mama was out of
> her apartment.  Mama made it home for a few weeks and died peacefully one
> early morning when a sitter was on duty.  (We pain Uncle Frank back from
> Mama's small estate.)
>
> My point, it took a village.  We could not do it on our own.  Even with
> three of us, we could not take care of Mama without onsite help.  She
> received excellent care, but our families suffered.  One divorce and one
> psychiatric hospitalization happened as a result of Mama's daughter's not
> being fully present with our families.  Of course, both of these issues
> were pending before Mother's illness, but they certainly came to a head
> when we were working so hard to keep Mama home.  We (sisters and our
> families) were all years recovering from providing this loving care.  We
> knew going in that what we were going to do would take sacrifices from each
> of us.  It did, but was there another way that would allow us to take
> better care of ourselves and our families?  in addition to granting Mama's
> wish?  Perhaps.  There is no way to know if the marriage could have been
> healed or the child's hospitalization could have been avoided with
> conitnued out patient psychiatric care.  But, perhaps.  We have no real
> regrets, and we were forever changed.  It was very hard work.  We could not
> have done it without the village....
>
> Enough said.  Sending love to you and Marcy, Jim.  What the two of you are
> going through is so very hard.
>
> Ginga
>
> On Wed, Dec 2, 2015 at 1:13 AM, Georgia DuBose <gdubose at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Dear Jim,
> >
> > As I think I may have mentioned to you before, my dear friend and
> > colleague, Rick Rutledge, with whom I studied for the priesthood, died in
> > 2014 of ALS. Everyone deals with this miserable disease differently, and
> > Rick was heroic. However, when he and Kathy knew what they were dealing
> > with, they agreed that he would go to an excellent extended care facility
> > when his incapacity became severe. That's what happened.
> >
> > Perhaps you and Marcy never made such an agreement. It sounds to me,
> having
> > had way more experience up close with ALS than anyone wants to have--my
> > friend Clare Hawkins' husband Robert also died of ALS--that it is time
> for
> > Marcy to be cared for professionally 24-7. You will be no good to her if
> > you are so frayed that you fall apart.
> >
> > You can tell me to go to hell if you want to, and that it is none of my
> > business. That may clarify for you what you want to do further--if you
> > think Marcy should be at home, and you can manage that. However, if you
> > want "permission" to have Marcy cared for in a facility, consider this
> your
> > "slip." Clare also had Robert in an extended care facility, and that made
> > it possible for her to carry on with being with him until the end. (She
> was
> > very fragile during his illness, and finally recognized that she needed
> > more than temporary respite.) Both Kathy and Clare found the nights the
> > hardest, and knowing that their guys were being taken care of at night by
> > people who had the necessary equipment to help them in every possible way
> > was a great relief.
> >
> > You are in my prayers all the time. I am sorrier than I can possibly say
> at
> > this wretched turn of events. Please, do whatever you need to do to take
> > care of your needs as well as Marcy's, knowing that those who love both
> of
> > you will support the course you take.
> >
> > With love and concern,
> >
> > Georgia+
> >
> > On Tue, Dec 1, 2015 at 8:30 PM, AT&T <jhandsfield at att.net> wrote:
> >
> > > Tonight, Marcy decided she would get up without assistance. I
> retrieved a
> > > cane she wanted. After ten months she gave up (TBTG).  She seems to be
> in
> > > denial that she can't do the things she wants to do. I'm near the end
> of
> > my
> > > rope.
> > >
> > > Jim Handsfield
> > > Sent from my iPhone
> >
>
-- 
Marilyn (Owens, Palmero) Cepeda
Mobile, Alabama