[Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

[Grace Cangialosi]

Well, that's an idea, Molly, and there are a couple of people.  I had
thought of sending the original letter to my daughter and one other friend
to read, but decided against it and just deleted it.
This was what I just sent my son:
<https://us-mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1amvfrlmd5t4b#>
"Today at 3:51 PM
 I see that I have another note from you.  I haven't deleted it, but I'm
not ready to read it yet, either.  I'll let you know if/when I do. I
sometimes wonder if you have any idea how hurtful you can be. And then,
after awhile, it's like you forget all about it, and things sort of go back
to normal--until the next time."

I think for now, not reading it is probably the best idea. And if you're
thinking there may be mental issues involved, you're right. But prayer will
take care of those; no need for medication! It's just sad all the way
around, and I do worry about the kids--six of their own and currently two
fosters.

On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 3:55 PM, Molly Wolfmama <lupa at kos.net> wrote:

> You've got my prayers, in spades.  What a horrible situation for you!  Is
> there someone else who could read it in confidence and give you a précis?
>
> Hugs,
> Molly
>
> The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no
> other way. -- Mark Twain
>
> > On Jul 29, 2015, at 3:41 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> >
> > Without going into the very long, sad history, I'm asking your prayers
> for
> > what will probably seem like something totally insignificant.
> >
> > Periodically my son subjects me to verbal or written diatribes, sometimes
> > cutting me off from seeing his children, sometimes not.  They always seem
> > to come out of left field.  This time I had responded to an article he
> > forwarded to me, agreeing with much of it, which I thought would surprise
> > him, and thinking it might be the opening for a real conversation.
> Instead,
> > I got back a long, long attack, really hateful and verbally abusive. I
> read
> > just enough to see what was there and then deleted it. Went back later
> and
> > emptied it from the trash, so I wouldn't be tempted to read the whole
> thing
> > and spend the next three days beating myself up and wondering what I've
> > done wrong. (Which, of course, I've been doing anyway...)
> >
> > Anyway--sorry this is so long--I carefully wrote a response, saying I was
> > sorry that he had felt the need to respond that way, that I had deleted
> his
> > message without reading most of it, because I didn't need that verbal
> > abuse. ( I had seen that he was heading into a place I've seen
> > before...insisting that we are all depraved and evil at heart, but my
> pride
> > won't let me see that, even though Scripture is clear on that. There was
> > something to the effect that I put on this show so that people will
> > think I'm a good person, etc.) I stopped reading there.
> >
> > I told him it saddens me that that's so much of his theology, that Paul
> > really needs to be read through the lens of the Gospels and Jesus'
> > reflection of God as a God of love. And also that God created the world
> and
> > saw that it was good. I ended by saying that I would continue to pray
> that
> > he will find that God of love and know that he is loved by God.  And
> after
> > much consideration, I went ahead and signed it Love, Mom.
> >
> > Now I see that I have a reply from him that starts out "I hope you won't
> > delete this before reading it...,"  but I haven't opened it yet.  I'm
> > tempted to just write back and say that I haven't read it yet because I'm
> > not ready to read it, but that I  haven't deleted it yet, either.  Maybe
> > that would be the way to go?
> >
> > I also thought about forwarding it to my daughter without reading it and
> > asking her to tell me whether to read it or not, but that seems the
> > cowardly way to go.  She's aware of the situation, though I didn't share
> > the other email with her. She pretty much keeps her distance from him
> most
> > of the time. Her take is that he finds it easier to take his anger out on
> > me than to actually deal with the things he doesn't like about himself
> and
> > the choices he's made.  In my head I know that's probably true, and
> that's
> > what I would say to someone else in this situation, but it's hard not to
> > get hooked by this when it happens.
> >
> > Anyway, what I need is some clarity about the "right" thing to do now.
> > Delete without reading? Tell him I still have it, but am not ready to
> read
> > it yet?  Just grit my teeth and read it? What I feel when I contemplate
> > that last alternative is fear about what I'll find...and that is, on one
> > level, totally ridiculous, I know. Whatever is there is already there,
> > whether I read it or not.  And it couldn't possibly be any worse than
> > things I've already had to take from him. It's not the different ideas I
> > have a problem with, it's the personal attacks. And I've really worked
> hard
> > over the years to keep the door open to relationships with the children.
> > There have been two different times when he barred me from seeing them
> for
> > several months, but then it's like he kind of forgets, and they'll invite
> > me to do something.  I don't know if my daughter-in-law is aware of all
> of
> > this, but I've never said anything to her. She has to do exactly what he
> > says, and I don't need to add to her worries.
> >
> > Sorry...I really didn't mean to go on so long. But prayers for clarity
> > would be welcome.
> >
> > Grace
> >
> > --
> > Grace Cangialosi
> > Ruckersville, VA
> >
> > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
>



-- 
Grace Cangialosi
Ruckersville, VA

Keep Calm and Carry OM.