[Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

[Ginga Wilder]

Dear Grace,
Please know that this kind of treatment from your son is NOT
insignificant.  Also, please know that you are beloved in this community
and you honor us when you share your pain with us.

You are in my fervent prayers as you decide what is best for you at this
time in your relationship with your son.

May you know yourself supported by the God of love.

Sending love your way.
Ginga

On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 3:41 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
wrote:

> Without going into the very long, sad history, I'm asking your prayers for
> what will probably seem like something totally insignificant.
>
> Periodically my son subjects me to verbal or written diatribes, sometimes
> cutting me off from seeing his children, sometimes not.  They always seem
> to come out of left field.  This time I had responded to an article he
> forwarded to me, agreeing with much of it, which I thought would surprise
> him, and thinking it might be the opening for a real conversation. Instead,
> I got back a long, long attack, really hateful and verbally abusive. I read
> just enough to see what was there and then deleted it. Went back later and
> emptied it from the trash, so I wouldn't be tempted to read the whole thing
> and spend the next three days beating myself up and wondering what I've
> done wrong. (Which, of course, I've been doing anyway...)
>
>  Anyway--sorry this is so long--I carefully wrote a response, saying I was
> sorry that he had felt the need to respond that way, that I had deleted his
> message without reading most of it, because I didn't need that verbal
> abuse. ( I had seen that he was heading into a place I've seen
> before...insisting that we are all depraved and evil at heart, but my pride
> won't let me see that, even though Scripture is clear on that. There was
> something to the effect that I put on this show so that people will
> think I'm a good person, etc.) I stopped reading there.
>
>  I told him it saddens me that that's so much of his theology, that Paul
> really needs to be read through the lens of the Gospels and Jesus'
> reflection of God as a God of love. And also that God created the world and
> saw that it was good. I ended by saying that I would continue to pray that
> he will find that God of love and know that he is loved by God.  And after
> much consideration, I went ahead and signed it Love, Mom.
>
> Now I see that I have a reply from him that starts out "I hope you won't
> delete this before reading it...,"  but I haven't opened it yet.  I'm
> tempted to just write back and say that I haven't read it yet because I'm
> not ready to read it, but that I  haven't deleted it yet, either.  Maybe
> that would be the way to go?
>
> I also thought about forwarding it to my daughter without reading it and
> asking her to tell me whether to read it or not, but that seems the
> cowardly way to go.  She's aware of the situation, though I didn't share
> the other email with her. She pretty much keeps her distance from him most
> of the time. Her take is that he finds it easier to take his anger out on
> me than to actually deal with the things he doesn't like about himself and
> the choices he's made.  In my head I know that's probably true, and that's
> what I would say to someone else in this situation, but it's hard not to
> get hooked by this when it happens.
>
> Anyway, what I need is some clarity about the "right" thing to do now.
> Delete without reading? Tell him I still have it, but am not ready to read
> it yet?  Just grit my teeth and read it? What I feel when I contemplate
> that last alternative is fear about what I'll find...and that is, on one
> level, totally ridiculous, I know. Whatever is there is already there,
> whether I read it or not.  And it couldn't possibly be any worse than
> things I've already had to take from him. It's not the different ideas I
> have a problem with, it's the personal attacks. And I've really worked hard
> over the years to keep the door open to relationships with the children.
> There have been two different times when he barred me from seeing them for
> several months, but then it's like he kind of forgets, and they'll invite
> me to do something.  I don't know if my daughter-in-law is aware of all of
> this, but I've never said anything to her. She has to do exactly what he
> says, and I don't need to add to her worries.
>
> Sorry...I really didn't mean to go on so long. But prayers for clarity
> would be welcome.
>
> Grace
>
> --
> Grace Cangialosi
> Ruckersville, VA
>
> Keep Calm and Carry OM.
>