[Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

[Jay Weigel]

I'm sorry, I misread or misunderstood, then. As my late ex used to say,
"Mind like a lumber room!" Mea culpa, mea Nissan Maxima.

On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 7:20 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
wrote:

> No, Jay, I would never have my d-in-law read it; I've never talked to her
> about my son's treatment of me.  I was thinking of having my daughter read
> it.  I did send my daughter a copy of my response to him today--the one I
> shared with all of you.
>
> On July 29, 2015, at 4:39 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> I think, Grace, that not reading it at the moment is the proper approach.
> Let yourself cool down and let your stomach un-knot. Letting someone else
> read it might be okay, but I wouldn't advise having your DIL be the
> one--that kind of puts her in a tough place and to me at least feels a bit
> like triangulation. She's got her own issues with the guy.
>
> I did have to smile at your correction of "mental issues" because I
> wouldn't have corrected it. I knew exactly what you meant. However, it also
> brought back memories of a long-ago patient who referred to his first wife
> as a "mental person". I had enough knowledge of East Tennessee by then to
> know exactly what he was talking about! (A friend from Bulls Gap, TN, once
> referred to herself as bilingual--"I speak English and East Tennessee
> both!")
>
> On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 4:13 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > That should have been mental *health* issues. And I'm sure you realize
> that
> > my comment about prayer being the answer was sarcastic and not my real
> > sentiment...
> >
> > On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 4:10 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > Well, that's an idea, Molly, and there are a couple of people.  I had
> > > thought of sending the original letter to my daughter and one other
> > friend
> > > to read, but decided against it and just deleted it.
> > > This was what I just sent my son:
> > > <https://us-mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1amvfrlmd5t4b#>
> > > "Today at 3:51 PM
> > >  I see that I have another note from you.  I haven't deleted it, but
> I'm
> > > not ready to read it yet, either.  I'll let you know if/when I do. I
> > > sometimes wonder if you have any idea how hurtful you can be. And then,
> > > after awhile, it's like you forget all about it, and things sort of go
> > back
> > > to normal--until the next time."
> > >
> > > I think for now, not reading it is probably the best idea. And if
> you're
> > > thinking there may be mental issues involved, you're right. But prayer
> > will
> > > take care of those; no need for medication! It's just sad all the way
> > > around, and I do worry about the kids--six of their own and currently
> two
> > > fosters.
> > >
> > > On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 3:55 PM, Molly Wolfmama <lupa at kos.net> wrote:
> > >
> > >> You've got my prayers, in spades.  What a horrible situation for you!
> > Is
> > >> there someone else who could read it in confidence and give you a
> > précis?
> > >>
> > >> Hugs,
> > >> Molly
> > >>
> > >> The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in
> > no
> > >> other way. -- Mark Twain
> > >>
> > >> > On Jul 29, 2015, at 3:41 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> > >> wrote:
> > >> >
> > >> > Without going into the very long, sad history, I'm asking your
> prayers
> > >> for
> > >> > what will probably seem like something totally insignificant.
> > >> >
> > >> > Periodically my son subjects me to verbal or written diatribes,
> > >> sometimes
> > >> > cutting me off from seeing his children, sometimes not.  They always
> > >> seem
> > >> > to come out of left field.  This time I had responded to an article
> he
> > >> > forwarded to me, agreeing with much of it, which I thought would
> > >> surprise
> > >> > him, and thinking it might be the opening for a real conversation.
> > >> Instead,
> > >> > I got back a long, long attack, really hateful and verbally
> abusive. I
> > >> read
> > >> > just enough to see what was there and then deleted it. Went back
> later
> > >> and
> > >> > emptied it from the trash, so I wouldn't be tempted to read the
> whole
> > >> thing
> > >> > and spend the next three days beating myself up and wondering what
> > I've
> > >> > done wrong. (Which, of course, I've been doing anyway...)
> > >> >
> > >> > Anyway--sorry this is so long--I carefully wrote a response, saying
> I
> > >> was
> > >> > sorry that he had felt the need to respond that way, that I had
> > deleted
> > >> his
> > >> > message without reading most of it, because I didn't need that
> verbal
> > >> > abuse. ( I had seen that he was heading into a place I've seen
> > >> > before...insisting that we are all depraved and evil at heart, but
> my
> > >> pride
> > >> > won't let me see that, even though Scripture is clear on that. There
> > was
> > >> > something to the effect that I put on this show so that people will
> > >> > think I'm a good person, etc.) I stopped reading there.
> > >> >
> > >> > I told him it saddens me that that's so much of his theology, that
> > Paul
> > >> > really needs to be read through the lens of the Gospels and Jesus'
> > >> > reflection of God as a God of love. And also that God created the
> > world
> > >> and
> > >> > saw that it was good. I ended by saying that I would continue to
> pray
> > >> that
> > >> > he will find that God of love and know that he is loved by God.  And
> > >> after
> > >> > much consideration, I went ahead and signed it Love, Mom.
> > >> >
> > >> > Now I see that I have a reply from him that starts out "I hope you
> > won't
> > >> > delete this before reading it...,"  but I haven't opened it yet.
> I'm
> > >> > tempted to just write back and say that I haven't read it yet
> because
> > >> I'm
> > >> > not ready to read it, but that I  haven't deleted it yet, either.
> > Maybe
> > >> > that would be the way to go?
> > >> >
> > >> > I also thought about forwarding it to my daughter without reading it
> > and
> > >> > asking her to tell me whether to read it or not, but that seems the
> > >> > cowardly way to go.  She's aware of the situation, though I didn't
> > share
> > >> > the other email with her. She pretty much keeps her distance from
> him
> > >> most
> > >> > of the time. Her take is that he finds it easier to take his anger
> out
> > >> on
> > >> > me than to actually deal with the things he doesn't like about
> himself
> > >> and
> > >> > the choices he's made.  In my head I know that's probably true, and
> > >> that's
> > >> > what I would say to someone else in this situation, but it's hard
> not
> > to
> > >> > get hooked by this when it happens.
> > >> >
> > >> > Anyway, what I need is some clarity about the "right" thing to do
> now.
> > >> > Delete without reading? Tell him I still have it, but am not ready
> to
> > >> read
> > >> > it yet?  Just grit my teeth and read it? What I feel when I
> > contemplate
> > >> > that last alternative is fear about what I'll find...and that is, on
> > one
> > >> > level, totally ridiculous, I know. Whatever is there is already
> there,
> > >> > whether I read it or not.  And it couldn't possibly be any worse
> than
> > >> > things I've already had to take from him. It's not the different
> > ideas I
> > >> > have a problem with, it's the personal attacks. And I've really
> worked
> > >> hard
> > >> > over the years to keep the door open to relationships with the
> > children.
> > >> > There have been two different times when he barred me from seeing
> them
> > >> for
> > >> > several months, but then it's like he kind of forgets, and they'll
> > >> invite
> > >> > me to do something.  I don't know if my daughter-in-law is aware of
> > all
> > >> of
> > >> > this, but I've never said anything to her. She has to do exactly
> what
> > he
> > >> > says, and I don't need to add to her worries.
> > >> >
> > >> > Sorry...I really didn't mean to go on so long. But prayers for
> clarity
> > >> > would be welcome.
> > >> >
> > >> > Grace
> > >> >
> > >> > --
> > >> > Grace Cangialosi
> > >> > Ruckersville, VA
> > >> >
> > >> > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> > >>
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > Grace Cangialosi
> > > Ruckersville, VA
> > >
> > > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Grace Cangialosi
> > Ruckersville, VA
> >
> > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> >
>