[Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

Wed Jul 29 23:20:40 UTC 2015

No, Jay, I would never have my d-in-law read it; I've never talked to her about my son's treatment of me.  I was thinking of having my daughter read it.  I did send my daughter a copy of my response to him today--the one I shared with all of you.

On July 29, 2015, at 4:39 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:

I think, Grace, that not reading it at the moment is the proper approach.
Let yourself cool down and let your stomach un-knot. Letting someone else
read it might be okay, but I wouldn't advise having your DIL be the
one--that kind of puts her in a tough place and to me at least feels a bit
like triangulation. She's got her own issues with the guy.

I did have to smile at your correction of "mental issues" because I
wouldn't have corrected it. I knew exactly what you meant. However, it also
brought back memories of a long-ago patient who referred to his first wife
as a "mental person". I had enough knowledge of East Tennessee by then to
know exactly what he was talking about! (A friend from Bulls Gap, TN, once
referred to herself as bilingual--"I speak English and East Tennessee
both!")

On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 4:13 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
wrote:

> That should have been mental *health* issues. And I'm sure you realize that
> my comment about prayer being the answer was sarcastic and not my real
> sentiment...
>
> On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 4:10 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > Well, that's an idea, Molly, and there are a couple of people.  I had
> > thought of sending the original letter to my daughter and one other
> friend
> > to read, but decided against it and just deleted it.
> > This was what I just sent my son:
> > <https://us-mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1amvfrlmd5t4b#>
> > "Today at 3:51 PM
> >  I see that I have another note from you.  I haven't deleted it, but I'm
> > not ready to read it yet, either.  I'll let you know if/when I do. I
> > sometimes wonder if you have any idea how hurtful you can be. And then,
> > after awhile, it's like you forget all about it, and things sort of go
> back
> > to normal--until the next time."
> >
> > I think for now, not reading it is probably the best idea. And if you're
> > thinking there may be mental issues involved, you're right. But prayer
> will
> > take care of those; no need for medication! It's just sad all the way
> > around, and I do worry about the kids--six of their own and currently two
> > fosters.
> >
> > On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 3:55 PM, Molly Wolfmama <lupa at kos.net> wrote:
> >
> >> You've got my prayers, in spades.  What a horrible situation for you!
> Is
> >> there someone else who could read it in confidence and give you a
> précis?
> >>
> >> Hugs,
> >> Molly
> >>
> >> The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in
> no
> >> other way. -- Mark Twain
> >>
> >> > On Jul 29, 2015, at 3:41 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> >> wrote:
> >> >
> >> > Without going into the very long, sad history, I'm asking your prayers
> >> for
> >> > what will probably seem like something totally insignificant.
> >> >
> >> > Periodically my son subjects me to verbal or written diatribes,
> >> sometimes
> >> > cutting me off from seeing his children, sometimes not.  They always
> >> seem
> >> > to come out of left field.  This time I had responded to an article he
> >> > forwarded to me, agreeing with much of it, which I thought would
> >> surprise
> >> > him, and thinking it might be the opening for a real conversation.
> >> Instead,
> >> > I got back a long, long attack, really hateful and verbally abusive. I
> >> read
> >> > just enough to see what was there and then deleted it. Went back later
> >> and
> >> > emptied it from the trash, so I wouldn't be tempted to read the whole
> >> thing
> >> > and spend the next three days beating myself up and wondering what
> I've
> >> > done wrong. (Which, of course, I've been doing anyway...)
> >> >
> >> > Anyway--sorry this is so long--I carefully wrote a response, saying I
> >> was
> >> > sorry that he had felt the need to respond that way, that I had
> deleted
> >> his
> >> > message without reading most of it, because I didn't need that verbal
> >> > abuse. ( I had seen that he was heading into a place I've seen
> >> > before...insisting that we are all depraved and evil at heart, but my
> >> pride
> >> > won't let me see that, even though Scripture is clear on that. There
> was
> >> > something to the effect that I put on this show so that people will
> >> > think I'm a good person, etc.) I stopped reading there.
> >> >
> >> > I told him it saddens me that that's so much of his theology, that
> Paul
> >> > really needs to be read through the lens of the Gospels and Jesus'
> >> > reflection of God as a God of love. And also that God created the
> world
> >> and
> >> > saw that it was good. I ended by saying that I would continue to pray
> >> that
> >> > he will find that God of love and know that he is loved by God.  And
> >> after
> >> > much consideration, I went ahead and signed it Love, Mom.
> >> >
> >> > Now I see that I have a reply from him that starts out "I hope you
> won't
> >> > delete this before reading it...,"  but I haven't opened it yet.  I'm
> >> > tempted to just write back and say that I haven't read it yet because
> >> I'm
> >> > not ready to read it, but that I  haven't deleted it yet, either.
> Maybe
> >> > that would be the way to go?
> >> >
> >> > I also thought about forwarding it to my daughter without reading it
> and
> >> > asking her to tell me whether to read it or not, but that seems the
> >> > cowardly way to go.  She's aware of the situation, though I didn't
> share
> >> > the other email with her. She pretty much keeps her distance from him
> >> most
> >> > of the time. Her take is that he finds it easier to take his anger out
> >> on
> >> > me than to actually deal with the things he doesn't like about himself
> >> and
> >> > the choices he's made.  In my head I know that's probably true, and
> >> that's
> >> > what I would say to someone else in this situation, but it's hard not
> to
> >> > get hooked by this when it happens.
> >> >
> >> > Anyway, what I need is some clarity about the "right" thing to do now.
> >> > Delete without reading? Tell him I still have it, but am not ready to
> >> read
> >> > it yet?  Just grit my teeth and read it? What I feel when I
> contemplate
> >> > that last alternative is fear about what I'll find...and that is, on
> one
> >> > level, totally ridiculous, I know. Whatever is there is already there,
> >> > whether I read it or not.  And it couldn't possibly be any worse than
> >> > things I've already had to take from him. It's not the different
> ideas I
> >> > have a problem with, it's the personal attacks. And I've really worked
> >> hard
> >> > over the years to keep the door open to relationships with the
> children.
> >> > There have been two different times when he barred me from seeing them
> >> for
> >> > several months, but then it's like he kind of forgets, and they'll
> >> invite
> >> > me to do something.  I don't know if my daughter-in-law is aware of
> all
> >> of
> >> > this, but I've never said anything to her. She has to do exactly what
> he
> >> > says, and I don't need to add to her worries.
> >> >
> >> > Sorry...I really didn't mean to go on so long. But prayers for clarity
> >> > would be welcome.
> >> >
> >> > Grace
> >> >
> >> > --
> >> > Grace Cangialosi
> >> > Ruckersville, VA
> >> >
> >> > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> >>
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Grace Cangialosi
> > Ruckersville, VA
> >
> > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> >
>
>
>
> --
> Grace Cangialosi
> Ruckersville, VA
>
> Keep Calm and Carry OM.
>