[Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

[H Angus]

Dear Grace,

I agree with what everyone has said, and I would also suggest that you consider attending Al-Anon meetings. That was where I learned how to refuse to be abused by out-of-control people, definitely including relatives.

Heather

----- Original Message -----
From: "Susan Hagen" <susanvhagen at gmail.com>
To: "magdalen" <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2015 10:13:07 PM
Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

Dear Grace,
You have my prayers.  I know the pain of being in the blast radius of
someone else's rage.  I think you've done all you can for now.  I pray that
you will feel the love that all of us feel for you and always feel God's
love.

Susan

On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 4:10 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
wrote:

> Well, that's an idea, Molly, and there are a couple of people.  I had
> thought of sending the original letter to my daughter and one other friend
> to read, but decided against it and just deleted it.
> This was what I just sent my son:
> <https://us-mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1amvfrlmd5t4b#>
> "Today at 3:51 PM
>  I see that I have another note from you.  I haven't deleted it, but I'm
> not ready to read it yet, either.  I'll let you know if/when I do. I
> sometimes wonder if you have any idea how hurtful you can be. And then,
> after awhile, it's like you forget all about it, and things sort of go back
> to normal--until the next time."
>
> I think for now, not reading it is probably the best idea. And if you're
> thinking there may be mental issues involved, you're right. But prayer will
> take care of those; no need for medication! It's just sad all the way
> around, and I do worry about the kids--six of their own and currently two
> fosters.
>
> On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 3:55 PM, Molly Wolfmama <lupa at kos.net> wrote:
>
> > You've got my prayers, in spades.  What a horrible situation for you!  Is
> > there someone else who could read it in confidence and give you a précis?
> >
> > Hugs,
> > Molly
> >
> > The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no
> > other way. -- Mark Twain
> >
> > > On Jul 29, 2015, at 3:41 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> > wrote:
> > >
> > > Without going into the very long, sad history, I'm asking your prayers
> > for
> > > what will probably seem like something totally insignificant.
> > >
> > > Periodically my son subjects me to verbal or written diatribes,
> sometimes
> > > cutting me off from seeing his children, sometimes not.  They always
> seem
> > > to come out of left field.  This time I had responded to an article he
> > > forwarded to me, agreeing with much of it, which I thought would
> surprise
> > > him, and thinking it might be the opening for a real conversation.
> > Instead,
> > > I got back a long, long attack, really hateful and verbally abusive. I
> > read
> > > just enough to see what was there and then deleted it. Went back later
> > and
> > > emptied it from the trash, so I wouldn't be tempted to read the whole
> > thing
> > > and spend the next three days beating myself up and wondering what I've
> > > done wrong. (Which, of course, I've been doing anyway...)
> > >
> > > Anyway--sorry this is so long--I carefully wrote a response, saying I
> was
> > > sorry that he had felt the need to respond that way, that I had deleted
> > his
> > > message without reading most of it, because I didn't need that verbal
> > > abuse. ( I had seen that he was heading into a place I've seen
> > > before...insisting that we are all depraved and evil at heart, but my
> > pride
> > > won't let me see that, even though Scripture is clear on that. There
> was
> > > something to the effect that I put on this show so that people will
> > > think I'm a good person, etc.) I stopped reading there.
> > >
> > > I told him it saddens me that that's so much of his theology, that Paul
> > > really needs to be read through the lens of the Gospels and Jesus'
> > > reflection of God as a God of love. And also that God created the world
> > and
> > > saw that it was good. I ended by saying that I would continue to pray
> > that
> > > he will find that God of love and know that he is loved by God.  And
> > after
> > > much consideration, I went ahead and signed it Love, Mom.
> > >
> > > Now I see that I have a reply from him that starts out "I hope you
> won't
> > > delete this before reading it...,"  but I haven't opened it yet.  I'm
> > > tempted to just write back and say that I haven't read it yet because
> I'm
> > > not ready to read it, but that I  haven't deleted it yet, either.
> Maybe
> > > that would be the way to go?
> > >
> > > I also thought about forwarding it to my daughter without reading it
> and
> > > asking her to tell me whether to read it or not, but that seems the
> > > cowardly way to go.  She's aware of the situation, though I didn't
> share
> > > the other email with her. She pretty much keeps her distance from him
> > most
> > > of the time. Her take is that he finds it easier to take his anger out
> on
> > > me than to actually deal with the things he doesn't like about himself
> > and
> > > the choices he's made.  In my head I know that's probably true, and
> > that's
> > > what I would say to someone else in this situation, but it's hard not
> to
> > > get hooked by this when it happens.
> > >
> > > Anyway, what I need is some clarity about the "right" thing to do now.
> > > Delete without reading? Tell him I still have it, but am not ready to
> > read
> > > it yet?  Just grit my teeth and read it? What I feel when I contemplate
> > > that last alternative is fear about what I'll find...and that is, on
> one
> > > level, totally ridiculous, I know. Whatever is there is already there,
> > > whether I read it or not.  And it couldn't possibly be any worse than
> > > things I've already had to take from him. It's not the different ideas
> I
> > > have a problem with, it's the personal attacks. And I've really worked
> > hard
> > > over the years to keep the door open to relationships with the
> children.
> > > There have been two different times when he barred me from seeing them
> > for
> > > several months, but then it's like he kind of forgets, and they'll
> invite
> > > me to do something.  I don't know if my daughter-in-law is aware of all
> > of
> > > this, but I've never said anything to her. She has to do exactly what
> he
> > > says, and I don't need to add to her worries.
> > >
> > > Sorry...I really didn't mean to go on so long. But prayers for clarity
> > > would be welcome.
> > >
> > > Grace
> > >
> > > --
> > > Grace Cangialosi
> > > Ruckersville, VA
> > >
> > > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> >
>
>
>
> --
> Grace Cangialosi
> Ruckersville, VA
>
> Keep Calm and Carry OM.
>



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