[Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

[Grace Cangialosi]

I'm actually an Al-Anon alum, Heather, which is the only reason I'm even
halfway dealing with this and also sleeping at night!

My daughter told me this morning that my son had called her, because he
couldn't sleep.  She told me she thinks our relationship is irreparable and
that I should just move on. She also reminded me that I had cut myself off
from my parents.  The difference, as  I see it is that I was never hateful
to them, just had as little contact as possible once I realized how toxic
it was for me to be around them.  But we lived about ten hours away, so
that was easy.

My daughter also pointed out that, if it weren't for the children, my son
and I probably wouldn't see each other at all. He did tell me a year or so
ago that aside from the kids, we have nothing in common, and he wanted me
out of his life.  Then a few months later, they invited me for
Thanksgiving...

Ah well, enough...thanks for listening and praying, all of you!

On Fri, Jul 31, 2015 at 2:37 PM, H Angus <hangus at ctcn.net> wrote:

> Dear Grace,
>
> I agree with what everyone has said, and I would also suggest that you
> consider attending Al-Anon meetings. That was where I learned how to refuse
> to be abused by out-of-control people, definitely including relatives.
>
> Heather
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Susan Hagen" <susanvhagen at gmail.com>
> To: "magdalen" <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2015 10:13:07 PM
> Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please
>
> Dear Grace,
> You have my prayers.  I know the pain of being in the blast radius of
> someone else's rage.  I think you've done all you can for now.  I pray that
> you will feel the love that all of us feel for you and always feel God's
> love.
>
> Susan
>
> On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 4:10 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > Well, that's an idea, Molly, and there are a couple of people.  I had
> > thought of sending the original letter to my daughter and one other
> friend
> > to read, but decided against it and just deleted it.
> > This was what I just sent my son:
> > <https://us-mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1amvfrlmd5t4b#>
> > "Today at 3:51 PM
> >  I see that I have another note from you.  I haven't deleted it, but I'm
> > not ready to read it yet, either.  I'll let you know if/when I do. I
> > sometimes wonder if you have any idea how hurtful you can be. And then,
> > after awhile, it's like you forget all about it, and things sort of go
> back
> > to normal--until the next time."
> >
> > I think for now, not reading it is probably the best idea. And if you're
> > thinking there may be mental issues involved, you're right. But prayer
> will
> > take care of those; no need for medication! It's just sad all the way
> > around, and I do worry about the kids--six of their own and currently two
> > fosters.
> >
> > On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 3:55 PM, Molly Wolfmama <lupa at kos.net> wrote:
> >
> > > You've got my prayers, in spades.  What a horrible situation for you!
> Is
> > > there someone else who could read it in confidence and give you a
> précis?
> > >
> > > Hugs,
> > > Molly
> > >
> > > The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in
> no
> > > other way. -- Mark Twain
> > >
> > > > On Jul 29, 2015, at 3:41 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> > > wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Without going into the very long, sad history, I'm asking your
> prayers
> > > for
> > > > what will probably seem like something totally insignificant.
> > > >
> > > > Periodically my son subjects me to verbal or written diatribes,
> > sometimes
> > > > cutting me off from seeing his children, sometimes not.  They always
> > seem
> > > > to come out of left field.  This time I had responded to an article
> he
> > > > forwarded to me, agreeing with much of it, which I thought would
> > surprise
> > > > him, and thinking it might be the opening for a real conversation.
> > > Instead,
> > > > I got back a long, long attack, really hateful and verbally abusive.
> I
> > > read
> > > > just enough to see what was there and then deleted it. Went back
> later
> > > and
> > > > emptied it from the trash, so I wouldn't be tempted to read the whole
> > > thing
> > > > and spend the next three days beating myself up and wondering what
> I've
> > > > done wrong. (Which, of course, I've been doing anyway...)
> > > >
> > > > Anyway--sorry this is so long--I carefully wrote a response, saying I
> > was
> > > > sorry that he had felt the need to respond that way, that I had
> deleted
> > > his
> > > > message without reading most of it, because I didn't need that verbal
> > > > abuse. ( I had seen that he was heading into a place I've seen
> > > > before...insisting that we are all depraved and evil at heart, but my
> > > pride
> > > > won't let me see that, even though Scripture is clear on that. There
> > was
> > > > something to the effect that I put on this show so that people will
> > > > think I'm a good person, etc.) I stopped reading there.
> > > >
> > > > I told him it saddens me that that's so much of his theology, that
> Paul
> > > > really needs to be read through the lens of the Gospels and Jesus'
> > > > reflection of God as a God of love. And also that God created the
> world
> > > and
> > > > saw that it was good. I ended by saying that I would continue to pray
> > > that
> > > > he will find that God of love and know that he is loved by God.  And
> > > after
> > > > much consideration, I went ahead and signed it Love, Mom.
> > > >
> > > > Now I see that I have a reply from him that starts out "I hope you
> > won't
> > > > delete this before reading it...,"  but I haven't opened it yet.  I'm
> > > > tempted to just write back and say that I haven't read it yet because
> > I'm
> > > > not ready to read it, but that I  haven't deleted it yet, either.
> > Maybe
> > > > that would be the way to go?
> > > >
> > > > I also thought about forwarding it to my daughter without reading it
> > and
> > > > asking her to tell me whether to read it or not, but that seems the
> > > > cowardly way to go.  She's aware of the situation, though I didn't
> > share
> > > > the other email with her. She pretty much keeps her distance from him
> > > most
> > > > of the time. Her take is that he finds it easier to take his anger
> out
> > on
> > > > me than to actually deal with the things he doesn't like about
> himself
> > > and
> > > > the choices he's made.  In my head I know that's probably true, and
> > > that's
> > > > what I would say to someone else in this situation, but it's hard not
> > to
> > > > get hooked by this when it happens.
> > > >
> > > > Anyway, what I need is some clarity about the "right" thing to do
> now.
> > > > Delete without reading? Tell him I still have it, but am not ready to
> > > read
> > > > it yet?  Just grit my teeth and read it? What I feel when I
> contemplate
> > > > that last alternative is fear about what I'll find...and that is, on
> > one
> > > > level, totally ridiculous, I know. Whatever is there is already
> there,
> > > > whether I read it or not.  And it couldn't possibly be any worse than
> > > > things I've already had to take from him. It's not the different
> ideas
> > I
> > > > have a problem with, it's the personal attacks. And I've really
> worked
> > > hard
> > > > over the years to keep the door open to relationships with the
> > children.
> > > > There have been two different times when he barred me from seeing
> them
> > > for
> > > > several months, but then it's like he kind of forgets, and they'll
> > invite
> > > > me to do something.  I don't know if my daughter-in-law is aware of
> all
> > > of
> > > > this, but I've never said anything to her. She has to do exactly what
> > he
> > > > says, and I don't need to add to her worries.
> > > >
> > > > Sorry...I really didn't mean to go on so long. But prayers for
> clarity
> > > > would be welcome.
> > > >
> > > > Grace
> > > >
> > > > --
> > > > Grace Cangialosi
> > > > Ruckersville, VA
> > > >
> > > > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Grace Cangialosi
> > Ruckersville, VA
> >
> > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
> >
>
>
>
> --
> Before enlightenment pay bills, do laundry.  After enlightenment pay bills,
> do laundry.
>
>


-- 
Grace Cangialosi
Ruckersville, VA

Keep Calm and Carry OM.