[Magdalen] re Pub rules, for Martin and others

[Sally Davies]

Dear Pubbies

Publican hat on here, it took me a while to find as it's been so long since
there was any need for it. Chad Wohlers is the other Publican for anyone
who may not know this. Our job is to make sure that the environment of the
Pub is conducive to friendship and fellowship.

You will not find any rules in this Pub about topics that may or may not be
discussed. The only rock solid requirement is that we respect our fellow
pubbies and uphold their right to express views whether we agree with them
or not. Our Baptismal vows get a mention in the ground rules as does the
dignity of all persons. Check the website if you haven't done so.

As Publicans we have, in the past, taken a dim view of practices such
as baiting, and piling on. We have encouraged list-sibs to ignore the first
and avoid the second.

But when push comes to shove and we have to consider the possibility of
excluding someone or putting their mail into moderation for the sake of the
community, a history of baiting others, over-reacting, and moving quickly
to personal abuse  ("flaming") would contribute to that decision.
Popularity or unpopularity doesn't come into it.

It's pretty much a no-brainer that the Pub is a group of mainly like minded
people which trends strongly in a liberal direction, both theologically and
socially. I'm sure there are other groups elsewhere which trend the other
way, but maybe not! To me that would probably be a dialogue of the deaf but
perhaps I'm just prejudiced there.

Anyway...when people with conservative views join the Pub conversation, I
have noticed a few different motivations over the years, which might be
worth mentioning since we're thinking about this.

1. They have friends here from having been around Maddies in the past or
from other lists and want to stay in contact, the Pub provides an
agreeable way to do that and for the most part they're prepared to overlook
points of view that they don't support.

2. Others like a fight and don't mind being the only one defending a side
(this could be a form of "trolling" but not necessarily). There are people
already here who also like a fight so new entrants to the arena often get
exactly what they're looking for. Fight fair, that's all we ask, and try to
be constructive with other people's bandwidth.

3. Sometimes one gets the sense of a "crusade". The individual is
frustrated by the prevailing climate in the wider Church or society, and
sees Magdalen (or a given member) as one of a set of windmills to charge
at. He or she comes across as Puritanical; more concerned with symbols than
with actual people and their feelings. It's not "trolling", but is VERY
likely to involve practices of disrespect sooner rather than later.

If we are honest, most of us can be recruited into this kind of
symbolic exchange on points we hold dear, myself included. Our experiences
of Church have sometimes been harsh or outright abusive, creating
emotional trauma that is triggered when we read statements that come across
as dogmatic, sarcastic, exclusionary or fanatical.

As Publicans we cannot protect each and every Pubbie from being offended or
upset, but we can and should take care that deliberate personal abuse is
warned and where necessary, curtailed. It is not the basic position or
truth-claim of the individual that is being punished (though people
sometimes assume this) but his or her failure to uphold respect for others,
which if allowed to continue might change the ethos of the Pub in
unacceptable ways.

4. Some (both liberals and conservatives) enjoy exploring discussions from
different points of view, even playing "devil's advocate". Such people will
however listen to others even if they don't change their own views; and
they will also tend to show personal caring and concern for fellow pub
members. Although one often suspects with good reason that baiting is going
on, they steer clear of the kind of abuse that would get them restricted.

I've been involved in listservs, forums and mail groups for nearly twenty
years now, and have some survival tactics I can recommend:

Technical aids to sanity:

- The delete key is your friend
- The "save draft" folder is also your friend, if in doubt let your
email cool off in there
- Conversation view is a great help, you can ignore an entire conversation
if it's problematic (this didn't used to be the case with the old email
clients and systems)

Personal/spiritual aids to sanity:

-  Check before you react i.e. "I am hearing you say X is that what you
meant?"
- Try to picture the person whose post annoyed or upset or enraged you, and
shine the light of Christ's compassion onto him or her for a while
- Arrow prayers, ask God's help and wisdom before you respond


Does that help? I'd be interested to hear about any other "survival
tactics" as I think of us as a wise, compassionate, well informed and
experienced bunch of people, whom it is a privilege to serve as Publican.

Sally D