[Magdalen] re Pub rules, for Martin and others

[Grace Cangialosi]

I think you've covered it well, Sally! These are good reminders for all of us.

> On Jun 28, 2015, at 8:42 AM, Sally Davies <sally.davies at gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> Dear Pubbies
> 
> Publican hat on here, it took me a while to find as it's been so long since
> there was any need for it. Chad Wohlers is the other Publican for anyone
> who may not know this. Our job is to make sure that the environment of the
> Pub is conducive to friendship and fellowship.
> 
> You will not find any rules in this Pub about topics that may or may not be
> discussed. The only rock solid requirement is that we respect our fellow
> pubbies and uphold their right to express views whether we agree with them
> or not. Our Baptismal vows get a mention in the ground rules as does the
> dignity of all persons. Check the website if you haven't done so.
> 
> As Publicans we have, in the past, taken a dim view of practices such
> as baiting, and piling on. We have encouraged list-sibs to ignore the first
> and avoid the second.
> 
> But when push comes to shove and we have to consider the possibility of
> excluding someone or putting their mail into moderation for the sake of the
> community, a history of baiting others, over-reacting, and moving quickly
> to personal abuse  ("flaming") would contribute to that decision.
> Popularity or unpopularity doesn't come into it.
> 
> It's pretty much a no-brainer that the Pub is a group of mainly like minded
> people which trends strongly in a liberal direction, both theologically and
> socially. I'm sure there are other groups elsewhere which trend the other
> way, but maybe not! To me that would probably be a dialogue of the deaf but
> perhaps I'm just prejudiced there.
> 
> Anyway...when people with conservative views join the Pub conversation, I
> have noticed a few different motivations over the years, which might be
> worth mentioning since we're thinking about this.
> 
> 1. They have friends here from having been around Maddies in the past or
> from other lists and want to stay in contact, the Pub provides an
> agreeable way to do that and for the most part they're prepared to overlook
> points of view that they don't support.
> 
> 2. Others like a fight and don't mind being the only one defending a side
> (this could be a form of "trolling" but not necessarily). There are people
> already here who also like a fight so new entrants to the arena often get
> exactly what they're looking for. Fight fair, that's all we ask, and try to
> be constructive with other people's bandwidth.
> 
> 3. Sometimes one gets the sense of a "crusade". The individual is
> frustrated by the prevailing climate in the wider Church or society, and
> sees Magdalen (or a given member) as one of a set of windmills to charge
> at. He or she comes across as Puritanical; more concerned with symbols than
> with actual people and their feelings. It's not "trolling", but is VERY
> likely to involve practices of disrespect sooner rather than later.
> 
> If we are honest, most of us can be recruited into this kind of
> symbolic exchange on points we hold dear, myself included. Our experiences
> of Church have sometimes been harsh or outright abusive, creating
> emotional trauma that is triggered when we read statements that come across
> as dogmatic, sarcastic, exclusionary or fanatical.
> 
> As Publicans we cannot protect each and every Pubbie from being offended or
> upset, but we can and should take care that deliberate personal abuse is
> warned and where necessary, curtailed. It is not the basic position or
> truth-claim of the individual that is being punished (though people
> sometimes assume this) but his or her failure to uphold respect for others,
> which if allowed to continue might change the ethos of the Pub in
> unacceptable ways.
> 
> 4. Some (both liberals and conservatives) enjoy exploring discussions from
> different points of view, even playing "devil's advocate". Such people will
> however listen to others even if they don't change their own views; and
> they will also tend to show personal caring and concern for fellow pub
> members. Although one often suspects with good reason that baiting is going
> on, they steer clear of the kind of abuse that would get them restricted.
> 
> I've been involved in listservs, forums and mail groups for nearly twenty
> years now, and have some survival tactics I can recommend:
> 
> Technical aids to sanity:
> 
> - The delete key is your friend
> - The "save draft" folder is also your friend, if in doubt let your
> email cool off in there
> - Conversation view is a great help, you can ignore an entire conversation
> if it's problematic (this didn't used to be the case with the old email
> clients and systems)
> 
> Personal/spiritual aids to sanity:
> 
> -  Check before you react i.e. "I am hearing you say X is that what you
> meant?"
> - Try to picture the person whose post annoyed or upset or enraged you, and
> shine the light of Christ's compassion onto him or her for a while
> - Arrow prayers, ask God's help and wisdom before you respond
> 
> 
> Does that help? I'd be interested to hear about any other "survival
> tactics" as I think of us as a wise, compassionate, well informed and
> experienced bunch of people, whom it is a privilege to serve as Publican.
> 
> Sally D