[Magdalen] Gap year (or more)

[Jay Weigel]

Roger Stokes said:

Glad you had a good time and that Samantha is enjoying life.  I read a book
(College Unbound) a few months ago which questioned the value of a college
degree in cash terms.  We are seeing the same over here in the UK.  With
the increase in the number of higher education establishments, and the
consequent increase in the number of young people graduating from them, the
cash value of a degree (in terms of higher salary and better prospects)
diminishes as the debt incurred in getting it increases.


Which led me to contemplate something I've thought about increasingly in
recent years, particularly since S/O and I were discussing our college
years the other night and he stated that he was in no way, shape or form
ready for university when he arrived there. Nor was I, and I floundered
horribly for several years before finally giving up and dropping out
altogether. I once asked my mother why she and my dad had pushed me so hard
to go when I really didn't want to at the time, and her answer was that I
didn't seem to have any idea of what I did want to do, so they thought I'd
be better off in school. Yikes! That sounds like horrible reasoning to
me.....! And they had to pay for it, too. I honestly would have preferred
to try my hand at the working world, even if it didn't pay very much, or do
some traveling, but that wasn't even a consideration back then. The concept
of a "gap year" is completely foreign to Americans, which might be one
reason why many American young people have such narrow horizons and frames
of reference. Having been pushed into college myself, I was a lot more
lenient and less pushy with my own kids. Of course I *hoped* they would go,
but if they didn't go right away, okay. My daughter, of course, was young
for her age group and it might not have been a good thing for her anyway.
Besides which, their father announced that he wasn't paying for any of it
because nobody had helped him (which I though was a really crappy attitude
and we had one of our biggest ever continuing fights over it). Adam started
at the local community college, but after one semester he enlisted in the
army and the rest is history. He's gotten quite a few credits via the
military. Betsy went back several years ago and is about a year shy of a
degree in counseling; she would have graduated about a year ago but she had
a pretty severe depressive episode after losing her father and her
grandmother in the same year and is only now coming out of it. I'm hoping
she goes back and finishes soon.

Friends in other countries are quite comfortable with their kids taking gap
years....or two....or three. My Israeli friend's boys, after doing their
national service, have traveled all over. One settled back on the kibbutz,
the second went to design college in Denmark where he is married to a Dane,
and the third has backpacked in China and India and is working as a cook
and thinking about culinary college but not sure if he wants to settle down
yet. German friends, sort of the same, although their kids seem to settle
after a year or two of traveling.

What's the difference and why do we push our kids into things they might
not be ready for? Why can't we let THEM figure it out?