[Magdalen] 'Adult Child recovery' commentary and info... (was the beleaguered: Re: Heather Cook

[Ginga Wilder]

Jay, and all,
My experience about lots of life's maladies is that having good information
launches us into a less anxious journey to 'better' - be that coping with
chronic pain, breast cancer and treatment, the god-awful hangovers of
growing up in an alcoholic family, and many other things life brings our
way.  Once launched, we need someone(s) to shine the light of truth and
health on our next steps along the journey out of the darkness.  Some
things never go away, but knowing what 'it' is and dealing honestly with
'it' keeps us on the better path.  I am an anxious person and I always will
be.  But, looking in the eyes of that anxiety means that I no longer suffer
life-restricting agoraphobia and panic disorder.  I know what it is, where
it came from, and how to admit it aloud and take another path.  It is what
it is.

I pray Betsy will read, mark, learn and inwardly digest the information in
the books you send.  I will pray for her.

Blessings,
Ginga

On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 6:44 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:

> I sent that book, which I had found here, to my daughter along with a bunch
> to other books.......without comment. I hope she reads it. I hope her
> husband does too.
>
> On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 6:27 PM, Ginga Wilder <gingawilder at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > I will never forget the great relief I experienced when I read Janet
> > Wolitz' book, Adult Children of Alcoholics.  I was in graduate school by
> > then, studying to be a marriage and family therapist.  I called my
> sisters
> > to share the book with them.  One of my sisters went to AA in college.
> Her
> > alcoholism never progressed after she quit drinking.  She did ACOA
> meetings
> > for a long time.  I did lots and lots of therapy around my issues.  I am
> > not a group person....meetings and recovery programs are not the only way
> > to let go of the crap.  But, they work very well for many people.  The
> > point is that we take an honest look at ourselves, let the stuff fall on
> > the ground in front of us.  Let it go.  Make amends.  Do Not step in it
> > again and track it all over our life and others, as well.  Forgiveness is
> > essential.
> >
> > Ginga
> >
> > On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 3:54 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
> >
> > > I'm trying to nudge my daughter towards *something* because she really
> > > seems to have some serious problems from growing up with her dad. She,
> > more
> > > than the boys, became his target in later years, I've found out. Maybe
> > > because I left. Her husband is also the child of an alcoholic but his
> > > mother left his dad when he was 12 and he had no contact with him after
> > > that.
> > >
> > > On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 3:12 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <houstonklr at gmail.com>
> > > wrote:
> > >
> > > > A note about the 'adult children' recovery programs. I was just
> > recently
> > > > made aware that there are 2 programs that seem to be outgrowths of AA
> > but
> > > > actually are more nuanced. The Group that uses the 'big red book' is
> > > called
> > > > ACA officially and is not considered part of the AA lineage by the
> > parent
> > > > organization. ACOA is part of the AA lineage and uses books and
> > materials
> > > > 'approved' (as is said) by the larger parent organization. The 'Big
> Red
> > > > Book with ACA on the cover is not considered program-approved under
> the
> > > AA
> > > > umbrella of recovery groups.  ACA was formed before AA had a group
> for
> > > > 'adult children' by people in their 20s who had outgrown Alateen and
> > were
> > > > seeking for more.  This movement started in the 1970s out on the west
> > > coast.
> > > >
> > > > I of course have an opinion about this <huge GDR> and would be  happy
> > to
> > > > share privately if you want to know my own experience. Not negative,
> > just
> > > > informative and nuanced.
> > > >
> > > > Lynn
> > > >
> > > > website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
> > > >
> > > > When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I
> have
> > > not
> > > > a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You
> gave
> > > me."
> > > > attributed to Erma Bombeck
> > > > "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a
> > talk
> > > > by Richard Rohr
> > > >
> > > > --------------------------------------------------
> > > > From: "Ann Markle" <ann.markle at aya.yale.edu>
> > > > Sent: Friday, November 06, 2015 1:51 PM
> > > > To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> > > > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Heather Cook
> > > >
> > > > Yes, here, too, Jay (ACOA rather than ACA), and is often called the
> > word:
> > > >> acoa (uh-koh-uh) by members here.
> > > >>
> > > >> Ann
> > > >>
> > > >> The Rev. Ann Markle
> > > >> Buffalo, NY
> > > >> ann.markle at aya.yale.edu
> > > >> blog:  www.onewildandpreciouslife.typepad.com
> > > >>
> > > >> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 9:46 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
> > > wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> ACA was referred to as ACOA where I was, and may be in other areas
> > too.
> > > >>>
> > > >>> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 9:38 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <
> houstonklr at gmail.com
> > >
> > > >>> wrote:
> > > >>>
> > > >>> > A note on the variety of recovery programs related to alcohol...
> > > Alanon
> > > >>> is
> > > >>> > for friends/family of an alcoholic, Alateen, is for the children
> of
> > > an
> > > >>> > alcoholic, ACA is for people who grew up in an alcoholic family
> but
> > > may
> > > >>> > have not identified problems with themselves being related to
> > alcohol
> > > >>> until
> > > >>> > they were adults.. note this group also includes people who grew
> up
> > > in
> > > >>> > dysfunctional families, and often includes alcoholics who have
> > gained
> > > >>> some
> > > >>> > significant recovery.
> > > >>> >
> > > >>> > Important news for those who may not be aware of the role of
> these
> > > >>> > ancillary groups, for people whose lives were/are touched by
> > alcohol,
> > > >>> > is
> > > >>> > that these groups are all about the individual themselves,
> > attending
> > > >
> > > >>> the
> > > >>> > group, NOT the alcoholic in their life, earlier life, or former
> > life.
> > > >>> They
> > > >>> > are not in their group to help, cure or fix the person who drinks
> > > and
> > > >>> who
> > > >>> > may be the reason they decided to seek out a solution in one of
> > these
> > > >>> > programs.
> > > >>> >
> > > >>> > It is also important to realize that groups are self-run and each
> > > group
> > > >>> is
> > > >>> > only as healthy as the people in it trying to become healthy,
> > > hopefully
> > > >>> > with a history of some old timers who pass it on/down. Each
> member
> > > >>> strives
> > > >>> > for honesty about themselves in order to begin to unravel their
> own
> > > >>> issues
> > > >>> > and begin to change their life.
> > > >>> >
> > > >>> > Lynn
> > > >>> >
> > > >>> >
> > > >>> > website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
> > > >>> >
> > > >>> > When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I
> > > have
> > > >>> not
> > > >>> > a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You
> > > gave
> > > >>> me."
> > > >>> > attributed to Erma Bombeck
> > > >>> > "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all"
> from
> > a
> > > >
> > > >>> talk
> > > >>> > by Richard Rohr
> > > >>> >
> > > >>> > --------------------------------------------------
> > > >>> > From: "Jay Weigel" <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
> > > >>> > Sent: Wednesday, November 04, 2015 5:42 PM
> > > >>> > To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> > > >>> > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Heather Cook
> > > >>> >
> > > >>> > Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic, Don, therefore not
> > everyone
> > > >>> needs
> > > >>> >> a recovery organization. However, if one's partner drinks
> > abusively,
> > > >>> >> it
> > > >>> >> does affect one. And that's all I have to say on the matter.
> > > >>> >>
> > > >>> >> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 6:37 PM, <thedonboyd at austin.rr.com>
> wrote:
> > > >>> >>
> > > >>> >> I hear good things about Rational Recovery and about SMART
> > recovery.
> > > >>> >>> Janice certainly finds Women for Sobriety (the org that Jean
> > > >>> Kirkpatrick
> > > >>> >>> founded) excellent for her needs.  I stopped drinking when
> Janice
> > > >>> >>> went
> > > >>> >>> into
> > > >>> >>> rehab, but have not gotten involved with any recovery
> > organization.
> > > >>> (save
> > > >>> >>> that J and I are such an organization in our own small way).
> > > >>> >>>
> > > >>> >>>
> > > >>> >>>
> > > >>> >>>
> > > >>>
> > > >>>
> > >
> >
>