[Magdalen] 'Adult Child recovery' commentary and info... (was the beleaguered: Re: Heather Cook

[Jay Weigel]

I sent that book, which I had found here, to my daughter along with a bunch
to other books.......without comment. I hope she reads it. I hope her
husband does too.

On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 6:27 PM, Ginga Wilder <gingawilder at gmail.com> wrote:

> I will never forget the great relief I experienced when I read Janet
> Wolitz' book, Adult Children of Alcoholics.  I was in graduate school by
> then, studying to be a marriage and family therapist.  I called my sisters
> to share the book with them.  One of my sisters went to AA in college.  Her
> alcoholism never progressed after she quit drinking.  She did ACOA meetings
> for a long time.  I did lots and lots of therapy around my issues.  I am
> not a group person....meetings and recovery programs are not the only way
> to let go of the crap.  But, they work very well for many people.  The
> point is that we take an honest look at ourselves, let the stuff fall on
> the ground in front of us.  Let it go.  Make amends.  Do Not step in it
> again and track it all over our life and others, as well.  Forgiveness is
> essential.
>
> Ginga
>
> On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 3:54 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > I'm trying to nudge my daughter towards *something* because she really
> > seems to have some serious problems from growing up with her dad. She,
> more
> > than the boys, became his target in later years, I've found out. Maybe
> > because I left. Her husband is also the child of an alcoholic but his
> > mother left his dad when he was 12 and he had no contact with him after
> > that.
> >
> > On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 3:12 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <houstonklr at gmail.com>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > A note about the 'adult children' recovery programs. I was just
> recently
> > > made aware that there are 2 programs that seem to be outgrowths of AA
> but
> > > actually are more nuanced. The Group that uses the 'big red book' is
> > called
> > > ACA officially and is not considered part of the AA lineage by the
> parent
> > > organization. ACOA is part of the AA lineage and uses books and
> materials
> > > 'approved' (as is said) by the larger parent organization. The 'Big Red
> > > Book with ACA on the cover is not considered program-approved under the
> > AA
> > > umbrella of recovery groups.  ACA was formed before AA had a group for
> > > 'adult children' by people in their 20s who had outgrown Alateen and
> were
> > > seeking for more.  This movement started in the 1970s out on the west
> > coast.
> > >
> > > I of course have an opinion about this <huge GDR> and would be  happy
> to
> > > share privately if you want to know my own experience. Not negative,
> just
> > > informative and nuanced.
> > >
> > > Lynn
> > >
> > > website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
> > >
> > > When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have
> > not
> > > a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave
> > me."
> > > attributed to Erma Bombeck
> > > "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a
> talk
> > > by Richard Rohr
> > >
> > > --------------------------------------------------
> > > From: "Ann Markle" <ann.markle at aya.yale.edu>
> > > Sent: Friday, November 06, 2015 1:51 PM
> > > To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> > > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Heather Cook
> > >
> > > Yes, here, too, Jay (ACOA rather than ACA), and is often called the
> word:
> > >> acoa (uh-koh-uh) by members here.
> > >>
> > >> Ann
> > >>
> > >> The Rev. Ann Markle
> > >> Buffalo, NY
> > >> ann.markle at aya.yale.edu
> > >> blog:  www.onewildandpreciouslife.typepad.com
> > >>
> > >> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 9:46 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
> > wrote:
> > >>
> > >> ACA was referred to as ACOA where I was, and may be in other areas
> too.
> > >>>
> > >>> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 9:38 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <houstonklr at gmail.com
> >
> > >>> wrote:
> > >>>
> > >>> > A note on the variety of recovery programs related to alcohol...
> > Alanon
> > >>> is
> > >>> > for friends/family of an alcoholic, Alateen, is for the children of
> > an
> > >>> > alcoholic, ACA is for people who grew up in an alcoholic family but
> > may
> > >>> > have not identified problems with themselves being related to
> alcohol
> > >>> until
> > >>> > they were adults.. note this group also includes people who grew up
> > in
> > >>> > dysfunctional families, and often includes alcoholics who have
> gained
> > >>> some
> > >>> > significant recovery.
> > >>> >
> > >>> > Important news for those who may not be aware of the role of these
> > >>> > ancillary groups, for people whose lives were/are touched by
> alcohol,
> > >>> > is
> > >>> > that these groups are all about the individual themselves,
> attending
> > >
> > >>> the
> > >>> > group, NOT the alcoholic in their life, earlier life, or former
> life.
> > >>> They
> > >>> > are not in their group to help, cure or fix the person who drinks
> > and
> > >>> who
> > >>> > may be the reason they decided to seek out a solution in one of
> these
> > >>> > programs.
> > >>> >
> > >>> > It is also important to realize that groups are self-run and each
> > group
> > >>> is
> > >>> > only as healthy as the people in it trying to become healthy,
> > hopefully
> > >>> > with a history of some old timers who pass it on/down. Each member
> > >>> strives
> > >>> > for honesty about themselves in order to begin to unravel their own
> > >>> issues
> > >>> > and begin to change their life.
> > >>> >
> > >>> > Lynn
> > >>> >
> > >>> >
> > >>> > website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
> > >>> >
> > >>> > When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I
> > have
> > >>> not
> > >>> > a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You
> > gave
> > >>> me."
> > >>> > attributed to Erma Bombeck
> > >>> > "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from
> a
> > >
> > >>> talk
> > >>> > by Richard Rohr
> > >>> >
> > >>> > --------------------------------------------------
> > >>> > From: "Jay Weigel" <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
> > >>> > Sent: Wednesday, November 04, 2015 5:42 PM
> > >>> > To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> > >>> > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Heather Cook
> > >>> >
> > >>> > Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic, Don, therefore not
> everyone
> > >>> needs
> > >>> >> a recovery organization. However, if one's partner drinks
> abusively,
> > >>> >> it
> > >>> >> does affect one. And that's all I have to say on the matter.
> > >>> >>
> > >>> >> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 6:37 PM, <thedonboyd at austin.rr.com> wrote:
> > >>> >>
> > >>> >> I hear good things about Rational Recovery and about SMART
> recovery.
> > >>> >>> Janice certainly finds Women for Sobriety (the org that Jean
> > >>> Kirkpatrick
> > >>> >>> founded) excellent for her needs.  I stopped drinking when Janice
> > >>> >>> went
> > >>> >>> into
> > >>> >>> rehab, but have not gotten involved with any recovery
> organization.
> > >>> (save
> > >>> >>> that J and I are such an organization in our own small way).
> > >>> >>>
> > >>> >>>
> > >>> >>>
> > >>> >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> >
>