[Magdalen] More with Marcy

[Lynn Ronkainen]

Sally D>If it were me, I would rather be thinking "I can help Jim with the
> > cooking" than "I will never cook again".

interesting insight Sally. I often think that my mom is 'day dreaming' when 
she speaks clearly of things that are not possible or that she thinks 'just 
happened'... tiny windows in otherwise what seems to be completely normal 
brain behavior most of the time.  Often if she wakes up from a nap, she 
appears to 'be' in a different place or time, but it only lasts a few 
minutes...

My mom has control of so little of her life any more that what comes out of 
her mouth, nice, mean or memory is about all she can say and do for herself 
these days. I have tried to imagine what it is like. Not only is it 
difficult, it is also a place I'd rather not go. Yet - about her, or me.

I am blessed by the responses people have posted and by our care for one 
another so many times and especially at this time for Jim and Marcy and 
others we are praying for.

with love
Lynn


website: www.ichthysdesigns.com

When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have not a 
single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave me." 
attributed to Erma Bombeck
 "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a talk 
by Richard Rohr

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Ginga Wilder" <gingawilder at gmail.com>
Sent: Sunday, September 06, 2015 4:00 PM
To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
Subject: Re: [Magdalen] More with Marcy

> Praying often for Marcy and you, Jim.
>
> Ginga
>
> On Sun, Sep 6, 2015 at 10:00 AM, Judy Fleener <fleenerj at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> All I have to offer is prayer.
>> Judy
>>
>> On Sun, Sep 6, 2015 at 2:27 AM, Sally Davies <sally.davies at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>> > Prayers as always, Jim. You and Marcy are often in my thoughts.
>> >
>> > As to not being able to do anything about the dementia, it might still 
>> > be
>> > worth contacting the ALS multidisciplinary clinic if you are associated
>> > with one. There is new knowledge and research on the overlap between 
>> > ALS
>> > and Fronto-Temporal dementia (differrent to Alzheimer's in several
>> > important ways), and expert advice is always of value even if only to
>> give
>> > you some ideas for new ways to think about/cope with what's going on 
>> > with
>> > Marcy and what she might be experiencing.
>> >
>> > Unless she's had a stroke along the way (which might not be 
>> > impossible?)I
>> > would guess that this latest 'reality interface malfunction' is part of 
>> > a
>> > more general loss of insight as neural circuits break down, sometimes
>> > reconnecting weirdly and other times going silent.
>> >
>> > And maybe loss of insight, for the person concerned, is not such a
>> terrible
>> > thing. If it were me, I would rather be thinking "I can help Jim with 
>> > the
>> > cooking" than "I will never cook again".
>> >
>> > Jo, thanks for sharing that snippet of memory from the weary days of
>> > caregiving with your Mom. I hadn't thought about the "bittersweet"
>> moments,
>> > but will file that away, if I may, as something to enquire about when
>> > people are strugging with caegiving or are going through bereavement.
>> >
>> > I've seen many reactions to the dementia of a loved one, from total
>> > distancing to 100% involvement. The latter takes immense strength and
>> > determination but I cannot believe that the people who take that "road
>> less
>> > travelled" are ever likely to regret it. My beloved friend Jenny in the
>> UK
>> > was nearly wiped out by her commitment to herr Mom (blind and suffering
>> > dementia) but she saw it through and the "peace dividend" in her life 
>> > now
>> > is a joy to behold. Like you, Jenny tried to take breaks when she could
>> and
>> > it made a big difference, keeping exhaustion from running all of her
>> plans
>> > and strategies and emotions.
>> >
>> > Sally
>> >
>> > On Sunday, September 6, 2015, Jo Craddock <jocraddock at gmail.com
>> > <javascript:_e(%7B%7D,'cvml','jocraddock at gmail.com');>> wrote:
>> >
>> > > This behavior so reminds me of some exhibited by my mother as her
>> cancer
>> > > metastasized. I found if I could be kindly honest, rather than 
>> > > brutally
>> > > honest, it often helped both of us deal with each particular 
>> > > situation.
>> > > "Wouldn't that be nice? I wish you could do that, too." Of course, I
>> was
>> > > not always up to that, nor was she always open to it. Take a nap,
>> > yourself,
>> > > while she naps, if at all possible.
>> > >
>> > > Some of those times are now etched in our household collective memory
>> as
>> > > sweet incidents of the spirit being willing, but the flesh weak. 
>> > > "Yes,
>> > > mother; why don't you cook tonight?" and talking through it with her
>> as I
>> > > prepared dinner, has become a euphemism for someone suggesting a
>> project
>> > > that another has to complete. And, we can smile with the remembrance.
>> > >
>> > > With prayer for
>> > >
>> > > Peace,
>> > > Jo
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > > On 09/05/2015 8:28 PM, James Handsfield wrote:
>> > >
>> > >> Yes, I have.  The problem is that there really is nothing to gain by 
>> > >> a
>> > >> specific diagnosis of dementia as it won’t change the course of
>> Marcy’s
>> > >> disease or the way we deal with it.
>> > >>
>> > >> This is known as Frustration.
>> > >>
>> > >>
>> > >
>> >
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Judy Fleener, ObJN
>> Western Michigan
>>