[Magdalen] humorous aside

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

A situation is so frequent in polite society that Miss Manners has
addressed several columns to it.

It concerns how to say no.  People wish to say no to some request, but they
fear the response of anger or hurt feelings.

Miss Manners' solution is simple but brilliant.

When asked to do something, say, with the utmost sincerity, "It was
wonderful and thoughtful of you to ask, and I would absolutely love to do
it, but it's just impossible." It is essential to do this with a genuine
friendly smile.

As the conversation proceeds, the person seeking a favor may dig for some
reason for the response.  No matter what, do not explain; just keep
responding with the same sentiment. "It so so nice of you to think of me,
and I really am flattered, but unfortunately it's just impossible."

Repeat as needed.  Never ever explain.  Simpy repeat as often as needed,
that "it's simply impossible."

My wife and I often will give that line to each other when either of us is
being manipulated by some -- especially if it's a real pro.

But never, ever, EVER give even a shadow of an explanation.  You owe NO ONE
any explanation other than to say, with a very friendly face, "It was so
very nice of you to ask, and I'm so flattered that you would think of me,
but it is just impossible."

You will not have to do this very often. It seems that vulnerable folks who
cannot say no have an invisible sign on their back, perhaps something like
"Sucker" or "Please use me as you will." After you do this a couple of
times, word gets around, and people will stop trying to manipulate you.

There is being a servant to all others, and then there's being used.  The
first one is far better than the second.



James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:10 PM, James Oppenheimer-Crawford <
oppenheimerjw at gmail.com> wrote:

> On NET one night, while dinosaurs were browsing outside our home, we
> watched BBC show about Henry VIII.  In one scene, members of the court are
> telling a joke.
>
> A man has been bragging more and more, and finally he states that his
> horse is so smart that he can teach it to talk.
> The king happens to hear him, and gets him to promise that within five
> years, he will get the horse to tal -- or else.
> "Why did you promise to do that?" asked a friend. "You know you cannot do
> that."
> "Five years is a long time.
> In five years, the prince may die.
> Or I may die.
> Or the horse may die --
>
> Or the horse may talk."
>
> -------------
> The joke is a kind of set-up.
> Later on, when the King's wife, Jane Seymour has died after giving birth
> to a male heir, Henry is devastated. He tries to trivialize things by
> making levity, and he actually tries to tell the joke, and he loses all
> composure in the middle of it -- a very moving moment.  I have no doubt
> that's why we will always remember the line.
>
>
>
> James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
> *“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
> except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy
>