[Magdalen] puns

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

The most straight, quiet teacher I've ever known one day told a story and
it took me a few years to realize what it actually meant.

Two earthworms in a cemetery, one said to the other, "Let's make love in
dead earnest."

James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Thu, Aug 4, 2016 at 8:14 AM, Jon Egger <revegger at gmail.com> wrote:

> 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.   He
> acquired his size from too much pi.
>
> 2. I thought I observed an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.  Turned out to
> be an optical Aleutian.
>
> 3. She was only a lowly bootlegger, but he loved her still.
>
> 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class.  The reason:
> it was a weapon of math disruption.
>
> 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
>
> 6. A dog gave birth to puppies beside a road and was cited for littering.
>
> 7. A grenade thrown into a French kitchen would result in Linoleum
> Blownapart.
>
> 8. Two silk worms were in a race.  They ended up in a tie.
>
> 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking
> into it.
>
>  10. Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like bananas.
>
> 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
>
> 12. Two hats were on a hat rack.   One said to the other: "You stay here.
> I'll go on a head."
>
> 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.
>
> 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:  "Keep off the Grass".
>
> 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
> large.
>
> 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
> veteran.
>
> 17. A backward poet writes inverse.
>
> 18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism, it's your
> count that votes.
>
> 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got their first taste of
> religion.
>
>
>  20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
>
> 21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boarded an airplane.   The
> stewardess told him, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per
> passenger."
>
> 22. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
> craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 23. Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my electron".  The other
> says  "Are you sure?"  The first replied, "Yes, I'm positive."
>
> 24. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
> canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
>
> 25. And at last ...There was the person who sent ten puns to their friends
> with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun
> in ten did.
>
> --
> If no one has told you that they love you today,
> let me be the first.
> brud
>