[Magdalen] puns

[Grace Cangialosi]

Aaaarghhh!!!!!

> On Aug 4, 2016, at 3:49 PM, James Oppenheimer-Crawford <oppenheimerjw at gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> The most straight, quiet teacher I've ever known one day told a story and
> it took me a few years to realize what it actually meant.
> 
> Two earthworms in a cemetery, one said to the other, "Let's make love in
> dead earnest."
> 
> James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
> *“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
> except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy
> 
>> On Thu, Aug 4, 2016 at 8:14 AM, Jon Egger <revegger at gmail.com> wrote:
>> 
>> 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.   He
>> acquired his size from too much pi.
>> 
>> 2. I thought I observed an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.  Turned out to
>> be an optical Aleutian.
>> 
>> 3. She was only a lowly bootlegger, but he loved her still.
>> 
>> 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class.  The reason:
>> it was a weapon of math disruption.
>> 
>> 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
>> 
>> 6. A dog gave birth to puppies beside a road and was cited for littering.
>> 
>> 7. A grenade thrown into a French kitchen would result in Linoleum
>> Blownapart.
>> 
>> 8. Two silk worms were in a race.  They ended up in a tie.
>> 
>> 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking
>> into it.
>> 
>> 10. Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like bananas.
>> 
>> 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
>> 
>> 12. Two hats were on a hat rack.   One said to the other: "You stay here.
>> I'll go on a head."
>> 
>> 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.
>> 
>> 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:  "Keep off the Grass".
>> 
>> 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
>> large.
>> 
>> 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
>> veteran.
>> 
>> 17. A backward poet writes inverse.
>> 
>> 18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism, it's your
>> count that votes.
>> 
>> 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got their first taste of
>> religion.
>> 
>> 
>> 20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
>> 
>> 21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boarded an airplane.   The
>> stewardess told him, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per
>> passenger."
>> 
>> 22. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
>> craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
>> kayak and heat it too.
>> 
>> 23. Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my electron".  The other
>> says  "Are you sure?"  The first replied, "Yes, I'm positive."
>> 
>> 24. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
>> canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
>> 
>> 25. And at last ...There was the person who sent ten puns to their friends
>> with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun
>> in ten did.
>> 
>> --
>> If no one has told you that they love you today,
>> let me be the first.
>> brud
>>