[Magdalen] Quiet Pub

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

It is a sad fact that every year at this time, we run into that holiday
which I choose to call krismus, which depresses the heck out of a lot of
us, because, even though we don't really buy the premise of krismus, it has
worked its way into our society to such an extent that a lot of good people
sincerely attach a lot of the tenets of krismus to that other festival we
observe around this time, the Feast of the Incarnation.

Krismus places demands on us which usually can only be met with some
difficulty, and, for some of us, cannot possibly be met.  We expect a lot
from ourselves. We want to be with people who may not be the best to be
around, for any number of reasons. We try to do a lot which we might do
very poorly, and end up doing the task not very well, adding more guilt to
the laundry list of stuff we haven't been "doing right."

But to a large extent, we have a set of unspoken expectations or rules that
derive from the way krismus was observed many years ago, when perhaps it
was a bit more fun, or because in those days, shallow rites were enough for
us. In any case, we can get this nagging sense of not measuring up, of not
doing a good enough job of observing krismus in many ways.  We may not even
be able to articulate these concerns in a conscious way, but the sense of
failure and inadequacy is still quite real.  I think that a professional
counselor can be very useful for this sort of thing, because they are often
quite expert to putting their finger on a problem (or, more to the point,
if they know their business, helping you to put your own finger on the
actual problem) Often, it may take one or two sessions to help you see the
actual problems clearly enough to get on with the business of dealing with
them.

Observing the Feast of the Incarnation will not place these expectations on
us, so long as we maintain a good sense of what the differences are between
krismus and Christmas.

On a different tack, I'd say that if someone is feeling blue, it may well
be reactions to unspoken demands of krismus, but depression is nothing to
ignore, because it does not go away on its own; it can be muted by
increased exercise, joyful activities, and even simply fulfilling
activities, but it ought not to be ignored, nor should one assume that
depression is just a sign of a weakness of personality. It's not. It's a
function of cumulative life experiences and one's genetic load. It can also
leave you especially vulnerable to life events that would ordinarily only
be bumps on the road.

James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Thu, Dec 15, 2016 at 9:21 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <houstonklr at gmail.com>
wrote:

> You can't *be* to people what they don't want you to be.
>> -M
>>
>
>
> very profound, thought provoking words.... that can be seem from various
> positions.
> Lynn
>
> website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
>
> When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have not
> a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave me."
> attributed to Erma Bombeck
> "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a talk
> by Richard Rohr
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "ME Michaud" <michaudme at gmail.com>
> Sent: Thursday, December 15, 2016 11:50 AM
> To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Quiet Pub
>
> My own observation:
>> children ignore adults far more effectively than adults ignore children.
>>
>> You can't *be* to people what they don't want you to be.
>> -M
>>
>>
>> On Thu, Dec 15, 2016 at 12:44 PM, Scott Knitter <scottknitter at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>> In general I wish them well enough to spare them my odd, boring self.
>>> Said another way, I'm not afraid of children but am afraid of making
>>> them wish they were elsewhere.
>>>
>>> In the instances where we find ourselves together (like my 7th-grade
>>> niece at Thanksgiving, who's growing up to be a curious,
>>> deep-thinking, lovely introvert), I just try to be genuine while
>>> showing interest and having a relaxed conversation. Then the guilt
>>> sets in that I can't do more than that and I assume it's more
>>> sinister: that I won't due to various deficiencies in my character.
>>>
>>> On Wed, Dec 14, 2016 at 9:32 AM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>> > I don't know how you feel about children in general, Scott
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Scott R. Knitter
>>> Edgewater, Chicago, Illinois USA
>>>
>>>