[Magdalen] New prayer request, and apology.

[Sally Davies]

What Molly said...we live in a health obsessed world and although that's a
good thing in many ways, it really does invite people to feel responsible
when shit happens, as it always has.

Prayers for peace, for healing, for freedom from pain and discomfort and
also from fear. We've been through a couple of cancer scares lately as you
know, and I can vouch for the gentle swinging of the Golden Hammock. It's
so real...at times I would forget about everything, including the fear and
the hammock, and then suddenly realise how much time had passed without any
anxiety.

I'd be surprised and then I'd remember, oh yes, I'm in the hammock. That's
why.

Sally D

On Friday, 29 January 2016, Molly Wolf <lupa at kos.net> wrote:

> Prayers.
>
> Breathe deeply.  You're in the golden hammock.
>
> Molly
>
> The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no
> other way. -- Mark Twain
>
> > On Jan 28, 2016, at 11:33 PM, M J _Mike_ Logsdon <mjl at ix.netcom.com
> <javascript:;>> wrote:
> >
> > I know not to apologise, but I can't help it.  I got a call from
> Stanford dermatology this afternoon telling me Dr Kim, Stanford lymphoma
> honcho (honcha? she's a she) needs a bigger, meatier biopsy from my feet.
> Such that it will involve the dermatology surgery people and not just in
> the exam room "hold still, this'll be over soon" sort of thing I already
> hardly could take.  I was told they will numb me more, but I'll "still feel
> the pressure".  (I hate the word "pressure", because when the brain knows
> what the "pressure" means, it ain't pressure anymore; it's carnage.)  I
> plan on telling them soon when they call back to confirm what day (another
> issue entirely; I live 1.5 hours away, and work), that I REQUIRE TO BE
> KNOCKED OUT, so bring along a knock-er-out-er.  They will no doubt balk,
> but I will point out that many tooth extractions in the world (one of mine
> included) involve being knocked out, wake up later, and go home no sweat.
> I COULD HARDLY tolerate what happened to me two weeks ago.  Even if I have
> to pay out of my own goddamned pocket, I will.  KNOCKED OUT.  I wonder what
> sort of response I'll get.
> >
> > The goal is still to determine if I have one, or two, types of lymphoma,
> or only one and still only vasculitis down below.  And in the meantime I
> noted today that I needed to truly clean my wounds and apply antibiotic
> ointment, as things were starting to smell again.  Please, God, let me
> maintain till Stanford next week.
> >
> > And, on top of all that, I learn today that, not that I'll be losing my
> job, but that because I'm literally half of a very important unit, only my
> boss is there most of the time, I'll most likely be re-assigned within the
> Agency.  Not a problem, but my sense of "entitlement" to how well I do my
> job, is, as far as I'm concerned, already undermined by the simple fact
> that I can't be there every day.  And being sick on top of all that.  I'm
> meeting with my division chief tomorrow morning to discuss short-term
> disability, as I really don't see myself in the coming weeks being of much
> use to the Agency.  It's just new territory for me, so I'm scared.  But my
> division chief, and another friend who knows this issue rather well, will
> help me through.  My issue, and I said this to my supervisor twice today,
> is "I'm a single-income household [-- she a two-income household, and
> higher-paid than me, in both instances --], so this isn't a decision I can
> take lightly."
> >
> > I'm so so so fucking sad and self-loathing right now, for having not
> taken care of myself to avoid this.  If someone was to come up to me and
> point a gun at my head, I really think I'd say "Shoot."
>