[Magdalen] prayer request

[Lynn Ronkainen]

Praying Molly.
Lynn 

Sent from my iPhone

On May 1, 2016, at 8:33 PM, Molly Wolf <lupa at kos.net> wrote:

Listlings,.

I have a prayer request.  A bit of background first:

As some of you know, I spent 21 years of my life with a guy -- my sons' father -- who would explode at random.  If he took something the wrong way (and he was quite creative about this) he might go into an immediate huff, or scream abuse, or throw things, or hit me.  Or he might sit on the affront (usually my inability to read his mind) and then go  into a major snit or a fit of frothing rage days or weeks later.  I wasn't the only person he did this to.

The first parish I joined as an adult, after a long hiatus, was also a place where people would go off into snits or rages at random.  It was known as a priest-eater and is still a very, very sick puppy.  I got bitten numerous times, once of them very seriously indeed. The place needs to be fumigated with burning sulfur.

So: I've "done" accepting abuse, lots of times. I recognize the patterns when I see them, and I also recognize them physically, by anxiety attacks and other psychological and behavioural signals as my subconscious screeches to a halt

During the month of April, I got bitten once again by someone (call him X) who's got quite the reputation for turning on people when he feels affronted, which is often and (again) random.  I was trying to help him, and he took my actions amiss and turned nasty.  My rector has discussed this with me and is quite clear that I am NOT the problem here; Mr. X. is.

But the pattern is identical to the one I've endured in the past. I am normally quite a tough cookie, but I couldn't face going to church this morning because I was walking-into-walls gut frightened. This is discouraging because I was greatly enjoying my new church and starting to flourish there (see new website) and now I'm backsliding into sloth and fear.

I have the sense that something needs to be done about this guy, and that right smartly.  But in the meantime, please hold my hand as I stick my thumb in my mouth.

Thanking you kindly,
Molly