[Magdalen] Fwd: They will be staying....

[Roger Stokes]

On 10/05/2016 21:50, Grace Cangialosi wrote:
> My granddaughter made this video, and I hope you'll take a look at it.  The background is that about a year and a half ago my son and d-in-l took in two brothers who were in foster care. At the time they were 17 months and 3 years old. It was three weeks before my oldest granddaughter's wedding. She wasn't happy about that, and I thought they'd lost their minds. I also knew this was entirely my son's idea. Their youngest child also came to them through foster care, and they adopted him about four years ago.
> Anyway, I'll spare you what is a very complicated 18-month saga, except to say that the biological parents' parental rights were finally terminated yesterday, so Paul and Mary Kim can begin adoption proceedings.
> I still don't think this is a good thing, and I've supported Mary Kim through all of her misgivings, helped take the boys to visitation with their parents, and now I'll bite my tongue and support this decision. The other kids all seem happy with this--as you can see in the video--so it may all work out for the best, but the boys have serious emotional issues and had been in one foster home before.

Love and a stable home background wgere the parents talk and take a 
common approach will be a great help with the emotional issues. Mary Kim 
was probably more aware of the demands that would be made of her than 
Paul was, hence the misgivings.  However I trust that Paul would have 
heard it is she had said clearly "No".  At the end of the day it is 
their decision th share their capacity to love more widely and to offer 
a new home to two children who need it.

Some years ago my son discovered that he and his wife could not have 
children of their own so they offered to adopt and went through all the 
hoops that involved, and then the waiting.  Having said they were 
willing to have two toddlers Ollie came to live with them aged 6 or 7 
months in late 2013 having been takewn from his mother more or less at 
birth.  During the adoption process they were asked if they would also 
take his biological sister when she was born so she came to them 
straight from the hospital just before Easter 2014 and the adoption was 
made final last August.

That was a good day not only because it marked the official completion 
of my son's family but also because my ex and I spoke civilly to each 
other for the first time since we split.  (I was always willing to but 
she wasn't.)  Much to my surprise this undemonstrative loner has 
developed a deep affection for his grandchildren who now have the 
prospect of a far better start in life than would have been the case.  
That is what matters to me and I draw attention to one word in Grace's 
second paragraph which illustrates my feelings.  Years ago legislation 
changed terminology in response to care of children.  The important 
words were parental responsibility, not rights.  As adults our 
responsibility is to care for children, not to claim them as property to 
have custody of.

May this newly extended family learn to live and love into that reality.

Roger