[Magdalen] Fwd: They will be staying....

[Jay Weigel]

I finally got to look at the video. They are very cute little boys.
Foster-to-adopt is the main way, other than private open adoptions, that
children are adopted these days in the US. And it's a basic truth that
almost *any* child in foster care is going to have emotional issues. I
mean, how not? They've been pulled out of what was probably an unstable
situation (which may or may not have been loving), and some have then been
bounced from one foster home to another...and some of those are loving, but
others are real horror shows. The best thing for these little guys is that
they're very young, and with love and stability they can overcome a lot.
Having an older brother who's also adopted may be helpful for them as they
grow up. I know you aren't in tune with Paul and Mary Kim's lifestyle, but
it actually may be rather beneficial, at least now, for the boys. And, as
others have said, the best thing we can do is support our kids' decisions,
(so long as they're not actually dangerous).



On Tuesday, May 10, 2016, Roger Stokes <roger.stokes65 at btinternet.com>
wrote:

> On 10/05/2016 21:50, Grace Cangialosi wrote:
>
>> My granddaughter made this video, and I hope you'll take a look at it.
>> The background is that about a year and a half ago my son and d-in-l took
>> in two brothers who were in foster care. At the time they were 17 months
>> and 3 years old. It was three weeks before my oldest granddaughter's
>> wedding. She wasn't happy about that, and I thought they'd lost their
>> minds. I also knew this was entirely my son's idea. Their youngest child
>> also came to them through foster care, and they adopted him about four
>> years ago.
>> Anyway, I'll spare you what is a very complicated 18-month saga, except
>> to say that the biological parents' parental rights were finally terminated
>> yesterday, so Paul and Mary Kim can begin adoption proceedings.
>> I still don't think this is a good thing, and I've supported Mary Kim
>> through all of her misgivings, helped take the boys to visitation with
>> their parents, and now I'll bite my tongue and support this decision. The
>> other kids all seem happy with this--as you can see in the video--so it may
>> all work out for the best, but the boys have serious emotional issues and
>> had been in one foster home before.
>>
>
> Love and a stable home background wgere the parents talk and take a common
> approach will be a great help with the emotional issues. Mary Kim was
> probably more aware of the demands that would be made of her than Paul was,
> hence the misgivings.  However I trust that Paul would have heard it is she
> had said clearly "No".  At the end of the day it is their decision th share
> their capacity to love more widely and to offer a new home to two children
> who need it.
>
> Some years ago my son discovered that he and his wife could not have
> children of their own so they offered to adopt and went through all the
> hoops that involved, and then the waiting.  Having said they were willing
> to have two toddlers Ollie came to live with them aged 6 or 7 months in
> late 2013 having been takewn from his mother more or less at birth.  During
> the adoption process they were asked if they would also take his biological
> sister when she was born so she came to them straight from the hospital
> just before Easter 2014 and the adoption was made final last August.
>
> That was a good day not only because it marked the official completion of
> my son's family but also because my ex and I spoke civilly to each other
> for the first time since we split.  (I was always willing to but she
> wasn't.)  Much to my surprise this undemonstrative loner has developed a
> deep affection for his grandchildren who now have the prospect of a far
> better start in life than would have been the case.  That is what matters
> to me and I draw attention to one word in Grace's second paragraph which
> illustrates my feelings.  Years ago legislation changed terminology in
> response to care of children.  The important words were parental
> responsibility, not rights.  As adults our responsibility is to care for
> children, not to claim them as property to have custody of.
>
> May this newly extended family learn to live and love into that reality.
>
> Roger
>