[Magdalen] For those with a sense of humour

Sat Nov 12 04:42:32 UTC 2016

If you didn't have six or seven months of winter Vermont would be a very
attractive option.

On Fri, Nov 11, 2016 at 11:04 PM, Charles Wohlers <
charles.wohlers at verizon.net> wrote:

> Before you make the plunge, see this: http://tinyurl.com/j2txzsr
>
> (I might point out that most of this applies to Vermont also, plus it's
> less crowded (no traffic jams) and housing is much cheaper.)
>
> Chad Wohlers
> East Bridgewater, MA USA
> (but usually in Vermont)
> chadwohl at satucket.com
>
>
> -----Original Message----- From: Jay Weigel
> Sent: Friday, November 11, 2016 10:52 PM
> To: magdalen at herberthouse.org
> Subject: Re: [Magdalen] For those with a sense of humour
>
>
> Me too, Grace! In fact, I'm ready to move to a Commonwealth country that
> will have me, providing it's a warm one.
>
> On Fri, Nov 11, 2016 at 6:42 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> I've seen this a couple of times, and this time I'm ready to take her up
>> on it!
>>
>> > On Nov 11, 2016, at 6:28 PM, Roger Stokes > <
>> roger.stokes65 at btinternet.com>
>> wrote:
>> >
>> > Culled from a Newsletter I received today
>> >
>> > MESSAGE FROM HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN TO THE CITIZENS OF THE USA
>> > To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
>> Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
>> > In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President
>> of the USA and thus to govern
>> > yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>> independence, effective immediately.
>> >
>> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
>> over all states, commonwealths, and
>> > territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
>> >
>> > Our new Prime Minister, Theresa May, will appoint a Governor for America
>> without the need for further elections.
>> >
>> > Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
>> circulated next year to determine whether any of you
>> > noticed.
>> >
>> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
>> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>> >
>> > 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'
>> 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
>> 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will
>> be
>> replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise
>> your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
>> >
>> > 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
>> such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
>> communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
>> Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
>> adjusted
>> to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of
>> '-ize.'
>> >
>> > 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
>> >
>> > 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
>> lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
>> therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
>> should
>> only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without
>> suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot
>> grouse.
>> >
>> > 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
>> more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required
>> if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>> >
>> > 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
>> start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time,
>> you
>> will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
>> tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
>> British sense of humour.
>> >
>> > 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
>> calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
>> >
>> > 8. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
>> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
>> beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
>> to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for
>> pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
>> beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
>> them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so
>> that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
>> >
>> > 9. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
>> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
>> English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in
>> Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
>> removed with a cheese grater.
>> >
>> > 10. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
>> proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
>> time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
>> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
>> wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
>> >
>> > 11. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
>> host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
>> outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
>> beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket,
>> and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of
>> their deliveries.
>> >
>> > 12. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>> >
>> > 13. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
>> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
>> monies
>> due (backdated to 1776).
>> >
>> > 14. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
>> saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
>> plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God Save the Queen! PS:
>> Only
>> share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
>> >
>> > Roger
>> >
>>
>>
>

-- 

Christopher Hart

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