[Magdalen] For those with a sense of humour

[Richard S. Crawford]

I recall hearing Bill Bryson describing Vermont as having nine months of
winter and three months of very bad sledding.

On Fri, Nov 11, 2016 at 8:42 PM, Christopher Hart <cervus51 at gmail.com>
wrote:

> If you didn't have six or seven months of winter Vermont would be a very
> attractive option.
>
> On Fri, Nov 11, 2016 at 11:04 PM, Charles Wohlers <
> charles.wohlers at verizon.net> wrote:
>
> > Before you make the plunge, see this: http://tinyurl.com/j2txzsr
> >
> > (I might point out that most of this applies to Vermont also, plus it's
> > less crowded (no traffic jams) and housing is much cheaper.)
> >
> > Chad Wohlers
> > East Bridgewater, MA USA
> > (but usually in Vermont)
> > chadwohl at satucket.com
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message----- From: Jay Weigel
> > Sent: Friday, November 11, 2016 10:52 PM
> > To: magdalen at herberthouse.org
> > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] For those with a sense of humour
> >
> >
> > Me too, Grace! In fact, I'm ready to move to a Commonwealth country that
> > will have me, providing it's a warm one.
> >
> > On Fri, Nov 11, 2016 at 6:42 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
> > wrote:
> >
> > I've seen this a couple of times, and this time I'm ready to take her up
> >> on it!
> >>
> >> > On Nov 11, 2016, at 6:28 PM, Roger Stokes > <
> >> roger.stokes65 at btinternet.com>
> >> wrote:
> >> >
> >> > Culled from a Newsletter I received today
> >> >
> >> > MESSAGE FROM HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN TO THE CITIZENS OF THE USA
> >> > To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
> >> Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
> >> > In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for
> President
> >> of the USA and thus to govern
> >> > yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> >> independence, effective immediately.
> >> >
> >> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
> duties
> >> over all states, commonwealths, and
> >> > territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
> >> >
> >> > Our new Prime Minister, Theresa May, will appoint a Governor for
> America
> >> without the need for further elections.
> >> >
> >> > Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
> >> circulated next year to determine whether any of you
> >> > noticed.
> >> >
> >> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
> >> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> >> >
> >> > 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'
> >> 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
> >> 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will
> >> be
> >> replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise
> >> your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
> >> >
> >> > 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
> >> such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form
> of
> >> communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
> >> Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
> >> adjusted
> >> to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of
> >> '-ize.'
> >> >
> >> > 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
> >> >
> >> > 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
> >> lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
> >> therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
> >> should
> >> only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without
> >> suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot
> >> grouse.
> >> >
> >> > 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
> >> more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
> required
> >> if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
> >> >
> >> > 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
> >> start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time,
> >> you
> >> will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
> conversion
> >> tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
> >> British sense of humour.
> >> >
> >> > 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
> >> calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
> >> >
> >> > 8. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
> actually
> >> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
> as
> >> beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
> referred
> >> to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound
> for
> >> pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to
> the
> >> beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did
> for
> >> them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine,
> so
> >> that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
> >> >
> >> > 9. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> >> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
> play
> >> English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in
> >> Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
> >> removed with a cheese grater.
> >> >
> >> > 10. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
> of
> >> proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
> >> time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
> >> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
> or
> >> wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
> >> >
> >> > 11. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
> >> host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
> >> outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
> >> beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
> cricket,
> >> and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out
> of
> >> their deliveries.
> >> >
> >> > 12. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
> >> >
> >> > 13. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
> >> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
> >> monies
> >> due (backdated to 1776).
> >> >
> >> > 14. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
> >> saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
> >> plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God Save the Queen! PS:
> >> Only
> >> share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
> >> >
> >> > Roger
> >> >
> >>
> >>
> >
>
>
> --
>
> Christopher Hart
>
> List Mail Address: cervus51 at gmail.com
> Personal Mail: cervus at veritasliberat.net
> Twitter: @cervus51
>