[Magdalen] For those with a sense of humour

Sat Nov 12 18:51:13 UTC 2016



-----Original Message-----
>From: Sally Davies <sally.davies at gmail.com>
>Sent: Nov 12, 2016 12:30 AM
>To: "magdalen at herberthouse.org" <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
>Subject: Re: [Magdalen] For those with a sense of humour
>
>I will gladly send you a map. As HM says beer is good here
>
>Sally D
>
>On Saturday, 12 November 2016, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Me too, Grace! In fact, I'm ready to move to a Commonwealth country that
>> will have me, providing it's a warm one.
>>
>> On Fri, Nov 11, 2016 at 6:42 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com
>> <javascript:;>>
>> wrote:
>>
>> > I've seen this a couple of times, and this time I'm ready to take her up
>> > on it!
>> >
>> > > On Nov 11, 2016, at 6:28 PM, Roger Stokes <
>> roger.stokes65 at btinternet.com <javascript:;>>
>> > wrote:
>> > >
>> > > Culled from a Newsletter I received today
>> > >
>> > > MESSAGE FROM HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN TO THE CITIZENS OF THE USA
>> > > To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
>> > Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
>> > > In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President
>> > of the USA and thus to govern
>> > > yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>> > independence, effective immediately.
>> > >
>> > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
>> > over all states, commonwealths, and
>> > > territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
>> > >
>> > > Our new Prime Minister, Theresa May, will appoint a Governor for
>> America
>> > without the need for further elections.
>> > >
>> > > Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
>> > circulated next year to determine whether any of you
>> > > noticed.
>> > >
>> > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
>> > rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>> > >
>> > > 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'
>> > 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
>> > 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will
>> be
>> > replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise
>> > your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
>> > >
>> > > 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
>> > such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
>> > communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
>> > Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
>> adjusted
>> > to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of
>> > '-ize.'
>> > >
>> > > 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
>> > >
>> > > 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
>> > lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
>> > therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
>> should
>> > only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without
>> > suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot
>> > grouse.
>> > >
>> > > 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
>> > more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
>> required
>> > if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>> > >
>> > > 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
>> > start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time,
>> you
>> > will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
>> conversion
>> > tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
>> > British sense of humour.
>> > >
>> > > 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
>> > calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
>> > >
>> > > 8. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
>> > beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
>> as
>> > beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
>> referred
>> > to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for
>> > pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
>> > beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did
>> for
>> > them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so
>> > that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
>> > >
>> > > 9. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
>> > good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
>> > English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in
>> > Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
>> > removed with a cheese grater.
>> > >
>> > > 10. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
>> > proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
>> > time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
>> > football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
>> or
>> > wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
>> > >
>> > > 11. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
>> > host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
>> > outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
>> > beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
>> cricket,
>> > and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out
>> of
>> > their deliveries.
>> > >
>> > > 12. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>> > >
>> > > 13. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
>> > Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
>> monies
>> > due (backdated to 1776).
>> > >
>> > > 14. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
>> > saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
>> > plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God Save the Queen! PS:
>> Only
>> > share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
>> > >
>> > > Roger
>> > >
>> >
>>
I'm thinking Bermuda, Tristan da Cunha, Bahamas, Falklands (lets call them the Malinas but keep them British and adopt Spanish as a second language if not already  implace. then there's always Kastel Goldony Czarny Kawa HM and her Serene Highness Baroness-Abbess Mauretania style each other as "Cousin" g)the "Kastel" is not that warm in January located in remote East Central Europe and the despocy of Epirus is not in the Commonwealth or anything near common.

Joe

Joe