[Magdalen] A birthday musing

[Ann Markle]

Jay and Jim, I am so sorry. That's really all I can say, with great love,
sadness, and empathy. Jay, I did not realize you lost two children. My
heart breaks at the thought of it. Love you both, and hold you close in the
light.

On Tue, Nov 29, 2016 at 1:24 AM James Oppenheimer-Crawford <
oppenheimerjw at gmail.com> wrote:

> Some of those old losses just never ever go away.  We were trying to get
> pregnant for years, and tried many things. Finally we achieved success.  We
> came in for another ultrasound and the technician suddenly needed to talk
> with another consultant. I was looking at the screen and could see the
> little spot of black. I didn't want to think it, but I knew our child was
> gone. In a short time, that's essentially what they told us.
> It tore me up, but it took its real toll on my wife.  Lord knows, that is
> no surprise.  She was carrying her (I always figured she would have been a
> girl), and she was the one who stayed in the hospital while the miscarriage
> happened.
> As all things do, time went by, we got on with our lives and tried to
> figure out a way to move forward without children (adoption turned out to
> be impossible also).
> Years later, we were approached by Planned Parenthood. They had been very
> supportive when we were facing our lives as infertile, and helped set up a
> local group for people with similar concerns.  They were having a meeting
> of clergy to help address the issue of infertile couples and what they
> might need from their spiritual leaders. Could we come and give a short
> presentation on our own experiences?  We said yes, and were happy to help.
> I prepared a small address, summarizing some things. Putting it together
> brought back a lot of the memories, and I was able to put down some points
> on how being infertile made me feel.
> I remember saying that it is as if a part of me has been torn away. "I have
> been maimed," I said, and I began to weep, had to stop for a moment. I had
> not anticipated how hard recalling all of it would hit me. The feedback
> afterward was positive. Several pastors came up to me to thank me for
> dramatically letting them know just how devastating infertility can be for
> some. One pastor came to me and said, with a look of some surprise, "I had
> NO IDEA!!"  I felt I did some good. If it merely inspires some pastors to
> think twice before they go wild celebrating Mothers' Day, it was worth it.
>
> I don't think of Cecelia every day, but she's always there even if I don't
> seem to notice. If she were alive today, Cecilia would be about thirty one.
> I wonder what kind of a woman she would be, if she would have babies of her
> own, if she would be a musician of some note, if she would be ...
>
> That loss never really goes away.  Of course, for you, it is so much more
> of a loss.
>
> We do, however, have the hope that one day, in a different place, we may
> see them again, and that even though we don't see them, they are just as
> real as we are -- just not on this earth. I'll hang on to that hope.
>
> James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
> *“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
> except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy
>
> On Mon, Nov 28, 2016 at 9:41 AM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > This day is the anniversary of the birth of my first child, Benjamin
> > Weigel. He would have been 46 today, which is a scary enough thought in
> > itself. I often wonder what kind of man he would have turned out to be.
> We
> > only had him for 3 months, barely enough time to get to know him, when he
> > died of SIDS. We weren't all *that* young when he was born (26 and 27),
> but
> > we weren't financially stable and were living paycheck to paycheck during
> > my pregnancy. My late ex lost his job while I was in the hospital and it
> > was several weeks before he found another, so it was an "interesting"
> time
> > to be with a young baby, but we survived. We were just getting back on
> our
> > feet again when we lost him. I sometimes wonder if I would have stayed
> with
> > his father had I not wanted another baby so badly. Sam was born 20 months
> > after Benjamin died.
> >
>
-- 
Ann

The Rev. Ann Markle
Buffalo, NY