[Magdalen] Life's blessings

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

I have known a considerable number of folks who were candidates for
ordination. Some made it; others not so much. One thing they all pointed
out was fairly clear to me long before I entered the process:

If you do not get approved, it's supposed to mean you are not a bad person,
just that the powers that be determined that ministry was not the pace for
you at that time. Of course, whenever anyone was turned down, the reaction
of people was either ho-hum or What's-the-matter-with-him? (her?)

And the rest of the story is if you are rejected, is it possible they made
a bum call? Sure.

But the decision is made, and it's a very rare and genuinely Christian
bishop who might admit he might have made a mistake. My bishop referred to
his decision as "discernment," obviously saying that the Holy Spirit told
him what to do. Disagreement would be tantamount to going against God
Herself. (In his humble opinion -- which is the only one that counts)

The candidate can do one of two things: he can say he accepts the decision,
and everyone assumes he really is unfit for ordination, a sort of mark on
him from then on, like it or not.  Or the candidate can state why he thinks
the bishop was mistaken.  In that case, the reaction will be, "There, you
see?  He obviously was not a good candidate. Bishop Swill did us all a
favor."  The candidate will even begin to wonder if he is as bad as they
seem to think. Or worse.

So the candidate cannot win, no matter what.  The best course of action is
to disappear. That's what I did. It just was too painful to look at
people's eyes and know I was being judged. And the day the bishop and I
came face to face and he just acted like there was nothing going on. Had to
get away. At this late date, I have come back in a very cautious way, at a
new parish.  I don't bring up my past, except to the rector, so he knows
 the score. Most of the people involved in my case have move on or moved
out.

No human-based process can ever be perfect. None.

I try to think that my rejection helped me dodge a bullet, as hurtful to so
many as it was.



James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Fri, Oct 21, 2016 at 9:37 PM, ME Michaud <michaudme at gmail.com> wrote:

> I think I've said this before,
> but anyway ...
> I have several friends who were denied ordination,
> and some of them were terribly wounded by the experience.
> A couple of them have had very nasty passive-aggressive
> relations with the church, maybe as a kind of revenge.
> Or else the committee & bishop made a good call.
> Not sure which.
>
> I wish the church did a better job with the aftermath/fallout.
> But the tendency is to drop people HARD and then turn away.
>
> One of my friends (most assuredly now held in Jesus' arms)
> was of the older school, men who couldn't meet the Latin requirement.
> He spent his life in the church, exercising a deaconal ministry,
> and died much loved and admired by the parish.
> IMO (in my observation) the RCs are much better at this than we are.
> -M
>
>
> On Friday, October 21, 2016, Marion Thompson <marionwhitevale at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > open the door a crack and let out some pain that lurks in the shadows.
> > Isn't this all why people go to therapists and talk things out?  I could
> > keep one busy for a very long time.
> >
> >
>