[Magdalen] Ethical question

[Lynn Ronkainen]

Marion quotes the bard: "Love is not love, which alters when it alteration 
finds."


profound
L

website: www.ichthysdesigns.com

When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have not a 
single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave me." 
attributed to Erma Bombeck
 "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a talk 
by Richard Rohr

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Molly Wolf" <lupa at kos.net>
Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2017 10:13 AM
To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Ethical question

> Marion, I had an ex who was an emotional coward too.  When one of his 
> oldest friends, our older son's godfather, was dying of cancer, the friend 
> asked my ex to visit.  Ex couldn't cope.  Didn't visit.  Friend died.
>
> Ex is now having to cope with my cancer, which frightens him more than it 
> does me.  Difference is that I know that my ex is about as useful as tits 
> on a male ostrich, so it's okay.  I hadn't expected my now ex-friend to 
> vanish like this, so I do feel some anger and disappointment.  I can 
> understand and forgive, but there are consequences.
>
> The tchotchkes are going to the local Sally Ann, along with other things 
> superfluous to requirements.
>
> Molly
>
> The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no 
> other way. -- Mark Twain
>
>> On Jan 19, 2017, at 7:37 AM, Marion Thompson <marionwhitevale at gmail.com> 
>> wrote:
>>
>> My ex- long ago had a close friend in his University dept.  They drank 
>> together, played golf, swam daily, etc., etc..  Friend developed brain 
>> tumour, was operated on, but emerged very much diminished, unable to live 
>> independently.  My ex- couldn't cope with the different person his friend 
>> now was and despite being asked by the wife to, say, accompany him on 
>> beneficial swims, couldn't bring himself to do anything hepful at all. 
>> Couldn't cope.  Hmmm.
>>
>> What did Shakespeare say?  "Love is not love, which alters when it 
>> alteration finds."
>>
>> Marion, a pilgrim
>>
>>
>>> On 1/18/2017 9:54 PM, AT&T wrote:
>>> If the prezzies are gifts, then they are yours to do with as you wish.
>>>
>>> Jim Handsfield
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>
>>>> On Jan 18, 2017, at 9:37 PM, Molly Wolf <lupa at kos.net> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Opinions solicited.
>>>>
>>>> I have just put an end to what I thought had been a close friendship 
>>>> because the "friend" in question made it clear that she would offer no 
>>>> support to me during my bout with cancer but wanted to resume the 
>>>> friendship, unchanged, when I recovered.  I think she has a "thing" 
>>>> about being overwhelmed. I've tried to patch this up several times, but 
>>>> she has a way of doggedly sidestepping.  She has made no offer to help 
>>>> and has not called to ask how I'm doing.  Nada.
>>>>
>>>> So on Sunday, after one last unsatisfactory exchange, I texted her 
>>>> asking her not to contact me again, and she responded with a cheery 
>>>> note making social noises and saying "I didn't read your note so that 
>>>> we can still do tea".  "Do tea" means that she comes over to my house 
>>>> bringing little prezzies of cute things or treats to eat, like the cat 
>>>> bringing me a mouse, and I make tea.
>>>>
>>>> This reaction finally blew my gasket and I told her in no uncertain 
>>>> terms to bug off and leave me alone.  I also did the 
>>>> unfriending/blocking thing.  She could, of course, email me, but she 
>>>> hasn't.
>>>>
>>>> Now for the ethical question:  I want to declutter, including getting 
>>>> rid of the prezzies.  I would prefer to return them to her, but would 
>>>> that be the right thing to do?
>>>>
>>>> When my GP and I first talked about my cancer, she asked after my 
>>>> support network and I named this friend as my mainstay.  I can 
>>>> understand and forgive, but it may take me a while to stop being 
>>>> gnarly.
>>>>
>>>> Thanks!
>>>> Molly
>>>>
>>>> The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in 
>>>> no other way. -- Mark Twain
>>> .
>>>
>>
>