[Magdalen] Ethical question

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

That is so sad. I know some folks are like that, just not wired to handle
illness or something.  However, she is hardly the injured party here.

You need to manage your life carefully, marshaling all of your energy for
the important stuff. This does not include trying to give TLC to someone
who isn't going to give you support at this critical time.

It occurs to me that you might drop her a note (physical note) to the
effect that as you were preparing to fight this battle, you really garnered
strength from the belief that you could count on her, and learning that you
cannot was (she needs to know this, I think) profoundly hurtful for you.

It might be that she has an experience in her past that makes it absolutely
impossible to handle this. She wouldn't be the first one.

I am very, very sorry to read of this happening to you at this critical
time.

We have to hold on to the hope that the Eternal One has the will and the
way to dry every tear, right every wrong, and help all of us to understand
and be understood fully.

James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Wed, Jan 18, 2017 at 9:37 PM, Molly Wolf <lupa at kos.net> wrote:

> Opinions solicited.
>
> I have just put an end to what I thought had been a close friendship
> because the "friend" in question made it clear that she would offer no
> support to me during my bout with cancer but wanted to resume the
> friendship, unchanged, when I recovered.  I think she has a "thing" about
> being overwhelmed. I've tried to patch this up several times, but she has a
> way of doggedly sidestepping.  She has made no offer to help and has not
> called to ask how I'm doing.  Nada.
>
> So on Sunday, after one last unsatisfactory exchange, I texted her asking
> her not to contact me again, and she responded with a cheery note making
> social noises and saying "I didn't read your note so that we can still do
> tea".  "Do tea" means that she comes over to my house bringing little
> prezzies of cute things or treats to eat, like the cat bringing me a mouse,
> and I make tea.
>
> This reaction finally blew my gasket and I told her in no uncertain terms
> to bug off and leave me alone.  I also did the unfriending/blocking thing.
> She could, of course, email me, but she hasn't.
>
> Now for the ethical question:  I want to declutter, including getting rid
> of the prezzies.  I would prefer to return them to her, but would that be
> the right thing to do?
>
> When my GP and I first talked about my cancer, she asked after my support
> network and I named this friend as my mainstay.  I can understand and
> forgive, but it may take me a while to stop being gnarly.
>
> Thanks!
> Molly
>
> The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no
> other way. -- Mark Twain
>