[Magdalen] Canadian takeover?

[Grace Cangialosi]

Sounds good to me! Bring her on!!

> On Jun 28, 2017, at 4:43 PM, James Oppenheimer-Crawford <oppenheimerjw at gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
> Queen Elizabeth II:
> 
> 
> 
> In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and
> also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the
> USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of
> the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should
> look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
> 
> 
> 
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
> over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she
> does not fancy).
> 
> 
> 
> Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America
> without the need for further elections.
> 
> 
> 
> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
> circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
> 
> 
> 
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
> are introduced with immediate effect:
> 
> 
> 
> 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,'
> 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
> without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
> by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your
> vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). (I love that one)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
> ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
> communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
> Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted
> to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of
> '-ize.' ' (I love that one too)
> 
> 
> 
> 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
> 
> 
> 
> 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers,
> or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
> that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
> shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
> speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
> 
> 
> 
> 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
> dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if
> you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
> 
> 
> 
> 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
> driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
> go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
> tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
> British sense of humour.
> 
> 
> 
> 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
> calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)
> 
> 
> 
> 8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are
> not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
> properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
> dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
> 
> 
> 
> 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
> beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
> to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound
> for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to
> the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did
> for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine,
> so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
> 
> 
> 
> 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
> guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
> English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in
> Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
> removed with a cheese grater.
> 
> 
> 
> 11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of
> proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New
> Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
> rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not
> involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
> body armour like a bunch of nancies).
> 
> 
> 
> 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
> an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
> America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
> borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will
> let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out
> of their deliveries.
> 
> 
> 
> 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
> 
> 
> 
> 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
> due (backdated to 1776).
> 
> 
> 
> 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
> saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
> plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
> 
> 
> 
> God Save the Queen!