[Magdalen] Canadian takeover?

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

My beloved spouse (NOT ever "BS") says, "She's the only Queen we've got."

James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Wed, Jun 28, 2017 at 7:28 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
wrote:

> Sounds good to me! Bring her on!!
>
> > On Jun 28, 2017, at 4:43 PM, James Oppenheimer-Crawford <
> oppenheimerjw at gmail.com> wrote:
> >
> > To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
> Majesty
> > Queen Elizabeth II:
> >
> >
> >
> > In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and
> > also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the
> > USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of
> > the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should
> > look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
> >
> >
> >
> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
> > over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which
> she
> > does not fancy).
> >
> >
> >
> > Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for
> America
> > without the need for further elections.
> >
> >
> >
> > Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
> > circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
> >
> >
> >
> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
> rules
> > are introduced with immediate effect:
> >
> >
> >
> > 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,'
> > 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
> > without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
> > by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your
> > vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). (I love that
> one)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
> > ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
> > communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
> > Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
> adjusted
> > to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of
> > '-ize.' ' (I love that one too)
> >
> >
> >
> > 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
> >
> >
> >
> > 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers,
> > or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
> shows
> > that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used
> for
> > shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
> > speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
> >
> >
> >
> > 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
> > dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if
> > you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
> >
> >
> >
> > 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
> start
> > driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you
> will
> > go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
> > tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
> > British sense of humour.
> >
> >
> >
> > 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
> > calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)
> >
> >
> >
> > 8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
> are
> > not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
> > properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat,
> and
> > dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
> >
> >
> >
> > 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
> > beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
> as
> > beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
> referred
> > to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound
> > for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to
> > the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it
> did
> > for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's
> Urine,
> > so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
> >
> >
> >
> > 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> good
> > guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
> > English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in
> > Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
> > removed with a cheese grater.
> >
> >
> >
> > 11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of
> > proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New
> > Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
> > rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not
> > involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
> > body armour like a bunch of nancies).
> >
> >
> >
> > 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
> > an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside
> of
> > America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
> > borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we
> will
> > let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting
> out
> > of their deliveries.
> >
> >
> >
> > 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
> >
> >
> >
> > 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
> > Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
> monies
> > due (backdated to 1776).
> >
> >
> >
> > 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
> > saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
> > plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
> >
> >
> >
> > God Save the Queen!
>